- Tim the GREAT
- The King of Games (KOG)
- Tim the Arrogant
- Tim the Dirty
- Tim the Stupid
- Tim the Meddlesome
- Tim the Patient
- Tim the Selfish
- Tim the Stout
- Tim the Sadist
- The Pedant
- Tim the Generous
1. Many many many letters (fan mail)
Needless to say, I got much much more. However, I have forgotten what else I got.
I have removed this or my brother will whack me up.
As I have done so many memorable things in my life, I am known by many other names. Maybe you know me by one of these. One of them is Tim the GREAT (Greedy Ruthless Evil Arrogant Treacherous) I got this name as I called myself Tim the Great and so got my just desserts by being too proud. I got that inspiration from Alexander the Great, and delude myself into thinking that I am as Great as him. For an explanation of why I am GREAT, see the Secret Page. I think that I am great because I take so many subjects and still am so good at games. I also multi-task very well.
I am also known as the King of Games (KOG). I am called this as I am very good in games (actually, I am only a self-proclaimed KOG). In fact, I can probably defeat you in any Internet game. I am called Nem, for Nemesis, in Battle.net. See how cocky I am! If you want to try me out, contact me on Battle.Net. If you want real proof of my ability, challenge me there (I even beat all the Koreans!) or check My Feats below. I have been playing games since ~1988, when I played King's Bounty on my XT. I also played Pacman at the arcade, Arkanoid at home and had a Nintendo (which was replaced later with a Sega Statan [sic]). 'Megarace' has fond memories for me, for despite the fact that it was a terrible game which nobody wanted (and which I tried to give away to people, who all refused), I maintain that it was revolutionary as it was the first game to feature video clips. I had (and have) a lot of time, so I played games to hone my skills. Since then, my ability has improved tremendously, together with my hardware : a 386 and then a P90, then the computer I have now, and I can beat anyone at any game, using my cheapo tactics, (except for Adult games, when I'll be too busy enjoying the game). Sadly, with the advent of 3D games, I have become wroth, as they make the game look worse (more blocky), give you multiple cameras to confuse you and tax the system. I suspect that it's a conspiracy by 3D card manufacturers to make people buy their cards.
My unscrupulous tactics are not widely known, but as a reward for your venturing into my dominion, I will tell you that I used to switch sides in Star Control I after playing badly at a high difficulty level. Also, to kill people who Gate demons in in Baldur's Gate II, just cast "Protection From Evil, 10 Inch" and they will go after the caster. I am so good that my game instincts are stored in 'muscle memory' - when I played Baldur's Gate II, I clicked around randomly and gained access to the Asylum just like that. I heartily recommend playing games to solve your woes, as playing is a universal cure for all ailments (That advice is free, as I am most benevolent). When I must relax after playing a game, I play another game. Even when I am tired, I play. I have no holidays, because everyday is a holiday! The sacrifices that I make.
I like Japanese games. In fact, I used to have a directory on my computer with WAV files of Japanese people shouting and screaming things I didn't and still don't understand. It was deleted in one of my bouts of impetuousness. If you can help me restore it, I will be most grateful. Maybe you can understand them. If you do, please enlighten me, and I will reward you.
Speaking of impetuousness, I often act on impulse. I infuriated my friend by naming two midi files which I christened happy.mid and nice.mid, showing my advanced stage of mental degradation. More recently, I named an MP3 "here.mp3". This act nearly caused people to collapse with apoplexy. To compound my stupidity, I named a gif "look.gif".
In 1999, I was fascinated with some movie clips I downloaded which demonstrated how to perform some moves in a fighting game (King of Fighters 1998). They were narrated in Cantonese and made me laugh immensely. Subsequently, I bought the 2 VCDs for $30 and which came along with a thick book written in Old Chinese, and extracted the WAVs, driving my friends mad when I looped them and forced them to listen to the WAVs.
By now, you might want to call me Tim the Arrogant, because I had the temerity to proclaim myself not only the KOG and Tim The Great. In addition to this grave crime, I also refuse to call people back on the telephone. THEY must call me. After all, I am the KING. (I get to save money on phone bills too) Often, calls come when I am playing, and this cruelly robs me of a few minutes of playing time, even though I play 6 hours a day. I think that I'm smarter than others, because I take more subjects than them and play games so well. I cast my scorn on you from my throne of power. Haha! To me, everything is obvioussssssssssssss (a word I utter to incense others while mocking Rameshon at the same time) I even correct people when they are correct, saying : "You are forgiven, my child" repeatedly, especially when I am in the wrong. This infuriates the people and I derive great enjoyment from it. You would think that I am a priest, saying these words, but not only am I not a member of the staff of the Church now, when I was one, I was but a lowly Altar Boy. To rub salt into the wound, after saying outrageous things to people, I immediately start singing - to change the subject. My pompousness even extends into the realm of linguistics. I scoff at the pronunication of "Lieutenant" and "Sentient" as "Lieu-tenant" and "Sen'shient" respectively, even claiming at one (long) point that these pronunciations were wrong! In fact, these are perfectly acceptable ways of pronouncing these two words. As you can tell, I'm not fond of American pronunciation. In 1997, I happened to go for the Innovation Programme (IP) 'finals'. While there, I saw the presentation of a group which dared to steal my name for their 'invention' - the Konstruction Gadget (KOG). What this did was to aid students in their geometry (and show that Mortal 'Kombat' was to blame for the misspelling prevalent in our culture). They actually had the temerity to equate their lousy piece of plastic with my skills as the King of Games (KOG). I like to tell people that my gaming prowess is so great that a game was named after me - The Incredible Machine (TIM). Taking F Maths has exacerbated this arrogant streak, to the despair of many. I would make a good lawyer. In mitigation, though, is the fact that I believe that everyone is as 'deep' as I am. When The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine told me about the '8 year old girl', I replied in a sonorous, wearisome and wise voice, 'Do you think she's really like that?'. However, my arrogance does come back to haunt me. In the first game of Yahoo! Chess I played, I went to Advanced => Advanced Blitz, because the other rooms had 'too much lag'. I was soundly trashed.
If you knew my secret side, you would call me Tim The Dirty. In addition to all my other sins, I am very perverted. Being in the Catholic Church all my life has done nothing to change this. When people say the word "come", I start to chuckle, making them laugh also (and sometimes accusing THEM of being polluted). I also like to moan into the phone, annoying the other person, and when they breathe heavily, I claim or otherwise insinuate that they are doing some improper things. I used to have dirty WAV files on my computer, with recordings of people performing unspeakable acts. However one day, mango juice from the mango I was eating dripped down onto the computer and hit the hard disk. The files were ruined and I have since sunk further into the realm of depravity. I always empty my cache and history and clear my location bar every 10 mins I surf the internet. Why is this so? It is a habit I developed when surfing porn sites, so people don't know that I do. In my daily speech, I make a lot of sexual references and jokes which titillate me to no end while causing bystanders to either groan or scratch their heads, overwhelmed by my brilliance. Once, when The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine made a comment about Yunxin returning to Raffles Guys School in triumph, I repeated, "Triumph", and got hit on the head. Once, when I was on the phone with her, I was breathing very heavily. On enquiry, I purported that I was doing weights. The veracity of my statement can be left for the discerning reader to judge. To top it all, once, when a classmate chided me with a, "Fuck you", I said, "Yes, please".
Another name I am known by is Tim the Stupid. I am called this as I threw away all my priceless manuals from up to 1987 as I wanted to make space for my new fridge with which to store my chicken pies. Whether this was an act of stupidity or Evil is debatable. In addition, I formatted my impossibly-important-to-the-future-of-mankind original game disks! Why? I went to sell them to raise money to buy... Chicken Pies. Before I go on, I should mention that I love chicken pies of all sizes, shapes and flavours and will do anything for them. If you want to know which brand tastes the best, just ask me. I will not charge a fellow affectionado. I realized my mistake after the fridge was destroyed by Electromagnetic Radiation from my Supercomputer. Go ahead. Mailbomb me for my sins against humanity. On one and a half thought (I do not often think about my destructive deeds), I think that Tim the Evil would be better. I was not stupid. I was evil! Recently, with the advent of the internet, I have yet more ways to demonstrate my idiocy. I regularly download extremely big files, only to delete them! (Now that I have cable, this is not much of a problem anymore) Sometimes, I don't even check them out first. Once, I purposely changed the passwords of my 2 Bigfoot accounts to long chains of numbers, when they were perfectly good and easy to remember passwords. I then saved the passwords (for email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org, now no longer in use due to the evil corporate practices of Bigfoot - send all fan mail to email@example.com) in a text file and then deleted it, because my brother turned the Recycle Bin off. When assembling my Supercomputer, I bought the finest 5.1 speakers that (ill-gotten) money could buy. However, in my stupidity, I place all four of the speakers in FRONT of me. Thus, the 'surround' effect is totally wasted. Perhaps the most costly mistake that resulted from my stupidity was my wasting for $5000 on a piano, only to discover that I prefer musicality to the practical aspect. I also say many stupid things.
I have even called myself "Tim The Forgetful". This is because I coerce / threaten / trick people into telling me their passwords and then forget them. I changed my Bigfoot passwords and forgot them. Later, I signed up for an ICQ account, but forgot the password!
People call me Tim the Meddlesome. I am called this as I took down my friends' Geocities homepage without permission and his account was deleted as there was nothing there. I am so evil. Does the thought of me fill you with trepidation? Don't worry. As long as you pay homage to me, all will be well. I once tried to pull down my own page just for fun, but I was foiled by a server error and went on to defenestrate cute bunnies with pink polka dotted ribbons around their necks.
It has been said that I am "Tim the Patient". Besides tolerating the many antics of The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine, I hold on even when I am on hold over the phone for a long time or when I am listening to my friend's horrible WAV files over the phone. This is mainly because I put my friends on hold at least 75% of the time, while I take the many calls that come to me, my brother and my father's seafood and mango business. Even when I had 3 phone lines in the house, the lines were often in use. With my new house (I used to live in a flat but upgraded to a condominium), I only have 2 phone lines, making it hard for me to pester people for tips on how to...
Another title is "Tim the Selfish". I never use beta software. I'd rather others do the work for me and I can just sit back reap the rewards. Also, I'm too selfish to pay the telephone bills that would be incurred if I had to personally call and thank all who paid homage to me. Not a finger will be lifted to call friends - to show their fealty, they will have to call me, to show how much they value my bringing meaning into their worthless lives. To compound my sins, although I am SO good at games, I REFUSE to write an FAQ to share my experience with others and help the rest of the poor world which is suffering. I then dare to criticise others' FAQs even though I refuse to help them improve them. To shut others up, I talk of writing a FAQ but up to today, I have never written one. Actually, I have, in a way. If you go to Gamefaqs, you will find an FAQ by me for one of the Might and Magics, one which I proclaimed "very easy". The FAQ is in a ridiculous state, being only 50% percent completed, but I had the temerity to call it Version 1.1! To make matters worse, I refused to allow The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine to add a footnote to the FAQ saying it would no longer be updated. Another way in which I manifest my selfishness is on Napster. At last count, I had over 3GB of MP3s (900+ excellent ones), but I share only about 6 of them at a time, and not for very long either, even though I have cable. Once, attempting to show me the error of my ways, when paying homage to me, The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine enabled file sharing. After a few days, I turned it off, because it was "taking too long to load" (The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine shares ~4000 MP3s - over 20GB but turns on file sharing) To make matters worse, I go around deleting the id3 tags of all my mp3s, ostensibly to 'save space'. Besides spiting people who do manage to download from me, I get to train my memory and musical skills (recognising the pianist from his style). Luckily, not everyone on Napster (or Audiogalaxy or other file sharing services) is as selfish as I am, or the whole network would be doomed. I am the proverbial 'Free-rider'.
The doctor knows me as Tim the Stout. I am known as this as I am short and fat. I am 167cm and 66kg. My lack of stature and surfeit of girth comes from my eating too many high-fat chicken pies and fish fingers, which contain chemicals which stunt my growth. I am also stout as I could resist the pain of the monthly shots they gave me to treat my dust-mite allergy. Seeing me, you might call me a squib.
The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine calls me a Sadist, as I like to poke people, especially him. When we were yet young, I usued to wrestle him in the school bus, always winning due to my stoutness. Once, I did a Powerdriver on him. I take great pleasure in this, as well as in nitpicking over my friend's English over the phone, even finding non-existent mistakes. Haha. I also like to try to make people think what I want them to think - by seemingly randomly uttering words of strategic importance, like their passwords, getting them flustered. My evil attempts at mind control have brought me many boons, like a black eye for making too many people angry at the same time and files brought crashing down across my annointed brow by annoyed female classmates.
A weirdo I am. During school season, especially during exam time, I play a lot. During the holidays, I study! This is one of the nuances which make the story of my life interesting (and which landed me in NJC). Also, I do not sign good friends' autograph books, but instead sign those of people who have not talked to me in 6 months.
Because of my propensity for ostentatiousness, I have been awarded the questionable appellation of "The Pedant". For the ignorant, "Pedant" refers to someone who delights in showing off his learning. I frequently humble people - and not just with my onerous presence. Those who disturb me in my frequent fits of reverie get a taste of my dry sarcasm and are skewered on the point of my rapier sharp wit.
Finally, I am called Tim the Generous. Mind you, this is no self praise. All my associates, vassals, lackeys and loyal devotees can attest to my generosity. I give tuition to school pupils for free (as long as they bring me offerings of food). I often give away thing like CD-ROMs, books, chicken pies, benedictions and diskettes in my frequent fits of generosity. To sweeten the pot further, my parents like to throw in... Crabs (which results in disaster sometimes, as Huixian can attest)! As mentioned above, during Physics practicals, I bestow upon my classmates the honour of having used my equipment. When I deign to honour people with my presence on outings, I pay for their purchases! In addition, I frequently lend my expensive books and CDs to people, for FREE! It would be expected that they would PAY me for lending those precious items. I save them the trouble of paying for these items. What do these ungrateful buggers do? They refuse to pay me even 1/2 of the cost of the items! Yes. I buy them and lend them to people ONLY out of the kindness of my heart. All the more reason you should pay homage to me! The chart topper is the book I so generously gave to The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine - 'Father of Charity and my father EE PENG LIANG' by Theresa Ee-Chooi, and which is printed in a big font and with very ample line spacing. I hadn't even read it yet when I gave it to him, and so he got it in (near) mint condition! This book is part of my precious memories, as I got it from the THE Catholic High School in Sec 4 when they gave it to all of my batch. Of course, anyone who dares claim that I actually didn't want the book will be promptly defenestrated.
My Feats (Mostly Game-related)
Most of the gaming feats were achieved with my patented Ultra Cheapo Gaming Techniques®
Inspired by my genius, The Person On Whose Page I Host Mine invented a tactic of his own when I forced him to play FIFA98 with him. Unable to get past my excellent defences, he tackled my goalkeeper repeatedly. (Ed: Well, this doesn't really count as a tactic, but...)
Vote on the Most Cheapskate Tactic!