More quotes from:
Obedience School (Basic Military Training)
School of Military Medicine

 

- any of you smoke here? (here smoke)
- The razor sharp edge of the seal (shield)
- embroid the wordings (embroider)
- actually it's titanus, typhoid (tetanus)
- if it's a totter loss, then, gone (total)
- [On Armoured Infantry] They are protected by the APC, whereas the normal infantry are not - most likely, they will get killed
- I know one of my buddies, so cock, go home and do IV on himself (who was such a, that he went, did)
- You just bring your A4-sized photograph (passport)
- You prefer me to call you Shuqi or Gabriel?
- When I contacted Jenny [Someone: Gay boy] (Zaini)
- All those of RSM calibre. Regimental's shortest man (Regiment's)
- Next time we connect, and there are ladies present, do not behave as if you haven't seen ladies for 20 years
- go and scrap the carbon (scrape)
- same as Aim 16 (M-)
- it's a bull-bulk design (pup)
- [On Yiliang's numerous printouts of Japanese girls in bikinis, tacked all around the bunk] You better get a girlfriend, understand? This is fucking dangerous.
- Let us start the day with a very important activity. Today is our RSM birthday (RSM's)
- You must accept any punishment that is matted out to you (meted)
- [On not tearing pieces from styrofoam boxes to eat with] This is also consider hygeine purpose (for, purposes)
- I'm having a conducting brief (conducting a briefing)
- When you all shoot, try to control your briefing (breathing)
- [On Rifles being our wives] After you all clean your weapon, please take good care of it. Don't bang on the wall, drop on the floor, suck. You want to suck, go back at night then suck. (or suck it)
- You know what is flexing target or not? (a flashing target is)
- standing syo'duh (shoulder)
- monintor (monitor)
- second mat also 4 rounds (mag)
- plone / plown with support. I'm sure you're all familiar with plone / plown with support. (prone)
- make seer no rounds (sure)
- there has been a reshufflement (reshuffle)
- [Me: Why do you hate AC {Anglo-Chinese} people?] AC people are arrogant. AC people are snobbish. Need I say more?... They all have a big attitude problem.
- What makes us different from the infantry? Canned food? Coca-cola? So much Maggi Mee inside...
- left white (right)
- Colour Party (Colours)
- Since human being don't perspire, I ask you all whether you sweat. [Men: Yes, Sir]... Sweating is for ANIMALS. Human beings don't sweat, human beings perspire. Did you all sweat? [Men: No, Sir!] Did you all perspire? [Men: Yes, Sir!] Very good. (beings, I'll, are sweating) (???)
- Keep it up gentle MAN (gentlemen)
- [On a sign] wordings, everything, ade'curtly (adequately)
- non-portable water (potable)
- Microsoft's Word (Microsoft)
- [On me downgrading] Good for the unit, good for you
- the music, entertain the guests (Play)
- All put on berry (berets)
- [On me at Sembawang Wharves] Storeman cum signaller cum medic
- [To me and a 5 Distinction, 1 Merit TJC Student] When was the age you all first started masturbating?
- [On Porn] There is only one reason I surf the Internet: To Relieve, man, to relieve
- We like to talk with you all A Student, to absorb some of your aura... 'All of my colleagues are A students!' (students with many As)
- Staff Rath (Ralph)
- conventional centre (convention)
- the winner goes to Kaffir company (is)
- At many a times (time)
- the drivers, the storemens, are still working (storemen)
- a zigzaw puzzle (jigsaw)
- other unit may not so welling (units, be so willing)
- [On marksmanship money] $200 means a lot to me. It may not to you... Use the $200 to go for a spa.
- the range warrant (warden)
- I know sometimes I say things, very boring. Teoh boh? [2 people: Teoh] Those who say 'teoh', go and carry on 20 [pushups]. (can be)
- Yom Kimpoh (Kippur)
- There is one point we must not negate (neglect)
- hully up (hurry)
- This is the spirit that we must embark then, onto the system, onto the culture, onto the belief... (???)
- laterwards (afterwards)
- You say you want to change into a new leaf. (turn over)
- We are welling to contribute (willing)
- I read the meal, I tell myself - I stay (mail, and, I will)
- My father have a minimart. Anytime, I can go and takeover the minimart... Although it's a big xiong. Wake up at 6am, open the minimart. 11pm, close. (has)
- I need someone who can spit (speak)
- I can't change your face. If you have a baby look I can't change your baby look, [Refers to self] not like this fucking rusty face... If you have a baby look, all the girls will love you
- [On impressing girls] Don't bring your weapon. Bring your own personal weapon that is attached to you for 21 years. Mine is 45 years. [Laughs from audience] Never miss. Never IA. [Racuous laughs] (has been attached, I never)
- I will not call you 'jee bye' because you are not a jee bye (you a)
- Who ask you to wear the witchpouch that way? (told, waistpouch)
- [On fierce looks] Even if you stare at the girl, she will feel as if she has been rapped by you. (raped)
- [On people impersonating officers] Some guy with the colonel rank... You are very suspicious... Kanina, chao private... Bangla (a)
- E-mart got a lot of rank. It's whether you dare to wear or not. One day I shave my moustache... 2 stars. General Ang - everyone salute me (sells many ranks, them or, can shave, everyone will)
- [On the Singapore Propaganda Centre, aka the Singapore Discovery Centre] Not many people visit nowadays. Soldiers from BMT go right (go there)
- What is ironical (ironic)
- [Ops Sergeant to me] Please downgrade [Mimes praying to me]
- Everytime I go to S1 department, heehee, haha. Either you all make fun of Chief Clerk or Chief Clerk make fun of you all (the Chief, she makes)
- [On deployment at the SAF ferry terminal] Why, Gabriel, afraid to see me? [Me: No, Sir] Don't worry. I won't make you run here.
- [On Mat Radio] Now I know why RP can survive. Because they love to talk cock. (how RPs)
- Gabriel, I always see you smile
- seventy tee tirograms (three kilograms)
- Imagine it's the ACJC age group, the Katong Convent look, and the Nee Soon girl's attitude to you. [Someone: Xia la. I'm getting married now. Stayout some more.]
- Camp, don't belong to you, belong to mine (doesn't, it belongs to me) (?)
- Is it your fault? Part and partial (Partially)
- [On a SAFRA event] I'm not interested in going to Singapore Expo, touch the wall, go off. Then I make you touch the wall 1000 times (will make)
- [On a SAFRA event] Bring your girlfriend, bring your sister. Bring your mother also can... Rather than look at all the guys. Gay ah?
- [On not being allowed to leave camp on the night of the ORD function] Married personnel, don't take it personally. [Points to someone] Don't ask your wife to call me again ah
- [CO on The Economist] Wah. This is good.
- [On one of my diversions at Jurong Island] So, how's the webpage coming up?
- [On wrong directions from a RP and getting lost while looking for the SOC ground in MINDEF] Hor lan / Holland liao. I tell you - never ever trust Mat. (a Mat)
- I saw him this way. I also got a shiok (and I, shock)
- Last time, they asked the driver, 1 x 3 tonner - tear it down... Down to the screw [and rebuild it]... This was in the 17th century (1970s)
- S4 and I were disgusting (discussing)
- Your CSM don't turn around the bush (doesn't beat)
- Totally there is 8 persons (In total, are)
- Anyway, East Coast Park you all not supposed to echo [commands] (This is East, . You, are not)
- Ivan (Evan)
- make sure that your handphone, wallet all accountable for (handphones and wallets are all accounted)
- Who here is from Armour? [Me: We're all from Armour] HQ Armour... I'm also from Armour
- Anyway now CO is playing Counterstrike with all the PCs. In Orchard Road.
- Who will start the bowl rolling? (ball)
- [On my doing pushups] Wo3 bang1 ni3 suan4... Ni3 pian4 wo3 wo3 jiu4 bu4 gei2 ni3 nigthsnack chi1 (I'll help you count. If you cheat me, I won't give you any nightsnack to eat)
- the Silver Defence (Civil)
- You must athornticate the call (authenticate)
- the whole SAF need him for the medical carnivus (needs, carnival)
- this is part and partial of our national duty (parcel)
- [Me: They gave me ex-RMJ till [the] 18th. After that, probably - discharge.] Discharged from army? [Me: No lah, I wish.] (I'll probably be discharged)
- Untok di pek pang / spare arm / spare arms, datang sensjata / senjasta / senjata (Untok di pek sa, datang senjata)
- siwuate (silhouette)
- We'll show you the binking target first (blinking)
- January there should not be a case where you tell us you are not aware (generally)
- If you hear that you are not mobilisation (mobilised)
- Go and look for S4 for your decoration (declaration)
- Go and lick for the rounds (dig)
- pack inspection (PATS)
- Tomorrow, same location - Big Flash (Splash)
- Blocked Leave (Block)
- [On Dead Poets' Society at Movie Night] Alright, all get seated. The movie is going to start soon. Remember that there's going to be a test after this, on the story.
- [On kicking the wall during Unarmed Combat to practice the sliding side kick] And now, gentlemen, I teach you how to vandalise the SAF property (I'll, SAF)
- [On going somewhere on official business] Bye. I'm off to the zoo.
- You can't come in. *** is masturbating.
- The last time I said 'Thank You' on the comms I got fucked... [Someone: Foxtrot Yankee {Read: F* You}]
- [On canned spiced pork cubes] Take this to the Malay cemetary and eat.
- [On IVing pateints] It's for you all to practice. If he really needs a lot of fluid we will send him to hospital.
- marting attendance (marking)
- go for canteen break at the irreverent timings (breaks, irregular)
- You stay foot until 6 o'clock (put)
- Whoever still not satified (is still, satisfied)
- After 10 weeks, all the stars will be finished (SARS)
- [On SARS] If you go out you'll see some people jogging in masks. That's quite freaky.
- [Powerplant slide on SARS] My gf is [a] nurse at TTSH, should I dump her?
- [On SARS paranoia] Don't drag your friend down to the medical centre to report sick. You don't want to know what I'll do to you.
- [On his slides] On the right you see 2 surgeons decked out in hip 3M masks.
- If you decide to chew on your oral thermometer, you will swallow your mercury
- Of course you can go to your friendly neighbourhood clinic
- [Powerpoint slide on home quarantine] Webcams issued - smile at the camera
- There's no need to avoid karaoke girls, right, but I'm not endorsing it.
- [On the 'remarks' column on the ration collection sheet] If the fucking food is fucked up, write down there - 'the food is fucked up'
- [On a surgical gown] Unless you can put on a bra yourself, then you put on your gown yourself (Ed: Aren't bras worn by the wearer unaided?]
- by monthly basic (on a, basis)
- fourth forth (floor)
- All my medics don't have girlfriends. All gay, is it?
- I'm setting up a business next time. Lak Sat Bar. [Ed: 'Dirty' bar, with hostesses you can touch.]
- He maintain a constant speed, constant acceleration (maintains, no)
- [On reporting sick] Medic, can you accompany me? I'm scared... I don't know what they'll do to me
- [Sees me brandishing a fly swatter] What are you doing? [Me: Trying to kill the fly] It's on your head, dude, it's on your head. [Someone else: What's he doing?] He's trying to kill the fly [Someone else: These people are mad man, these people are mad]
- [Me to an RP: Do you want to see my camp pass?] No, I want to eat your Long John's
- [Tengah medic on the night we sent them 8 people reporting sick] Why is Armour giving me so much problems? (many)
- Oh! I'm so sorry for you. It's one of the joys in life, having a 16g SAF drip set in you. In no hospital will you get a 16g drip set in you - I guarantee it.
- [On being psychiatrically ill] Look, I've got all the psychos on the planet, and they're all at 2PDF. They're not PES F... If Clarence can stay forever and forever I don't see why this guy should be PES F.
- [Email on being away] **** will overlook [Company Name] for this period of time (oversee)
- 10 day pree-oh departure (days prior to)
- Next time you go to Orchard Road, don't say 'look at her butt'. Say 'look at her glubs'. No one will know what you're talking about (gluts)
- Which part of the body is your favourite? [Someone: Lan Jiao {Ed: Penis}] Zha bor {Ed: Females} lah.
- kelvar plate (kevlar)
- IQA all wayang - you guys also know lah. Even the top management also know lah (know that, knows)
- [On the definition of subversion] A forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social or religious beliefs, attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas - sounds like the army.
- Even those at night prowling, don't go one corner and sleep or just follow the dog and walk. (For those prowling at night)
- [On a presentation] When it's time to clap, please help them to clap.
- [On an SCGS girl on the street] I take leave, can wear slippers out. Chee Bai, wear slippers with uniform. [Someone: Wah lan eh, SCGS] All the big boob girls are from here. [Someone: All the lesbians]
- [On rich people] Wah fuck he got 4 cars. 2 of them are BMs... No curtains. Have sex never put curtains.
- Next time when I make it big... limouisine, hundreds of bodyguards. [Someone: I'm gonna employ my own militia. All carry MP5.]
- 42 loves you. [Me: If that is love, I don't want to know what hate is]
- [On my troubles] I know it's painful lah, but what can we do? This is 42.
- You all have been briefted on how to do the clicking right. (briefed)
- [On calling someone] Hi Sir, I'm at Ponderosa now, eating [a] buffet. [Me: Eating Ice Cream] What can you do about it?
- [On the CRO] Anything interesting? [Me: No. Oh, no more 5BX!] You know who to thank? [Me: You ah?] Us officers. We're too lazy to come down and conduct 5BX.
- Hey, look, it's Santa Claus! He's gonna come and give gifts to you so go make fun of him.
- I, me, Law and Ban Xiong... 3 of us.
- Can I withdraw blood? (have my blood drawn)
- None of you volunteered to be in the army right?
- [On 42SAR] I'm 25 years in the Army. I've never come across so many AWOL cases.
- [On suicides in the army] Last time you see a lot of people jumping down... That's why now all the blocks shorter (saw, are shorter)
- [On fighting in camp] If you are in a commander unit and you fight, that is another reason, because the CO encourage it (commando, fine, encourages)
- Fight also you don't get caught lah. Fight, get caught - xiao kao. (If you want to fight, If you fight and)
- Fighting is childish... Don't be like the Americans: Go around bombing everybody.
- Safety is the most important... All the time, at the back of your mind (front)
- If you ask me my unit - SIW lah. [Someone: School of Infantry Weapons?] Soldier in Wonderland.
- [On a LCP driving into the range in an expensive looking car] I threw the cigarette. I thought officer or what. Fuck lah.
- [Someone: Signal platoon diam! Good morning Sir!] Go away, go away. [Someone: Permission to carry on Sir!] Carry on 20. [Someone: Thank you Sir! Signal platoon at ease!]
- [Me: I heard you're posting out] *Eagerly* Really? Who did you hear [that] from? True or not? If [it's] true I['ll] kiss you. [Me: You also hate 46?] Of course. Wah na beh.
- cloth hitch (clove)
- [Patient in sickbay] Hello, medic. [Me: Yes?] Mei3 ci4 wo3 kan4 dao4 ni3, wo3 jiu4 hen3 kai1 xin1 [Translation: Everytime I see you, I feel happy]
- tomorrow preparing for lord march (preparing for a route march the next day)
- they want to do some reveration works (renovation)
- leave it day first (there)
- Those people going Bernai trip (to Brunei)
- My policy on area cleaning: the area cleaning can never do finish one lah, trust me (be finished)
- Wah, nice sunglass. SOC pass or fail? [Someone: Fail] Fail then take off sunglass! (sunglasses)
- [On the ridiculousness of not allowing lowloaders on expressways] LTA, SAF - what to do? Next time become minister don't forget us (when you become a minister)
- Welfare - the best welfare is the tough training. You all want tough training or not? (tough)
- [On dirty windows] The only thing I never do is go there and write 'F-U-C-K'
- [On HQ Company] One whole company of idiots [Ed: Pronounced with a long "i" sound], and I'm the biggest idiot.
- You all will carry out your ong activities (own)
- [On water in Brunei] Please make sure that it is portable (potable)
- [On Lancer] There will be 2 slut... 2 flights
- All of you are to note where you are sleeping (sitting)
- [On the future launch of a photo scrapbook] We call it - the Armour Coffee Table Book [Someone: Coaster]
- You're the most idle medic, I heard. [Me: Who told you?] Who told me? Ngan! *drags someone over* This, I call soldier. You... simi lan? [Translation: What the hell?] (a soldier)
- [Me: 8 more days!] 8 more days? [Me: Before we get to leave here {Lancer}) I have 5 more months. [Me: Have fun, sir]
- [On someone reading her rank wrongly - 2WO instead of 1WO] Why do you demote me? Huh? Want to die is it? (Do you want to die?)
- My briefing, never say cannot touch air stewardess - doesn't mean you can go and touch (During my, I didn't say you could not touch the, that doesn't, touch them)
- [On cigarette butts in Brunei] Don't anyhow throw or the sooltan will come and shoot you (throw them anywhere, Sultan)
- [On the Brunei buffet] Go ahead. Nobody is stopping you. [Me: For once.]
- [To Swee Shoon] You are the new docu [ic]? You got the shittiest job, next to PA. Both [are] about the same.
- They say Taiwan is cheap. You can have one girl for 5 dollars. (?!)

--- Assorted NS People who didn't fit in the other categories (42SAR)

 

- [On NDP cover] Nu3 de4 yong4 [For females, perform] CPR. Nan2 de4 yong4 [For males, perform] IV. For all types of illness.
- [Me on Jaime Teo: What's her claim to fame? What's her claim to fame?] Boobs. Brainless boobs... Ms University-Singapore (Universe)
- [On A Levels] You want to know what I got? ABFF... F is for econs... management... A is for absent... [The] B... [is] together
- [On the MO during his recessional] He never inspect troops before. He don't know how to slow march. (has never inspected, doesn't, to do a)
- [On the meaning of 'Semoga Bahagia'] Something like, 'everybody very happy' ah
- centrimide (cetrimide)
- stretcher barrier (bearer)
- [Me on NDP dancers: It's ACJC. Look at the shirt] All eat potato one
- [On civilians at the NDP parade segment] First song, no one fall out. Second song, a few fall out. Third song, a lot fall out. Jee bye... They were falling like fleas [at the first rehearsal].
- [Me on civilians falling out: Maybe they never drink enough water] It's not the water. It's the chao keng. Trust me
- crap bandage (crepe)
- SAF teach me to be racist (has taught)
- [To me] You can be a MO for your handwriting
- You all are fighting over a box of condoms?
- [On Jo'an Ow] You know from far, from far she looks quite beautiful, basically, but in the real person she doesn't look that good (person)
- [On my pasting of 3 Asian Prince photos on a cupboard] I am racist... You like men, put a picture of [a] Chinese man, I don't mind. You go and put an Indian... If you want you [should] put it on the ceiling... In the middle of the night, 'There's something looking at me'
- [On Kit Chan and Tanya Chua] I tell you, singers don't have long careers after singing National songs
- [Me on CHIJ kiddies prattling: Doesn't it sound like a flock of birds?] No, sounds like a flock of bitches
- [On NDP 2002 parachuters] There should be 9. Why can't there be 37?
- ni3 he1 shui3 ye3 yao4 xie3 dong1 xi1 [Even when you drink water, you must write something down]... Are you going to publish a book? "My NS life" by Gabriel Seah [Someone else: The person I hate most: Cheong... his jokes always make me feel cold]
- [Me on a sign at range: What is 'side show'?] Can you see a monkey there, jumping up and down?
- You see? Losers always use vulgarities. Loser, loser, loser.
- try'val (trivial)
- [On me] I see you, of course happy lor. So adorable.
- [On the SMSes I get] Why all the English so cheem one? What the fuck. I don't understand. (is all, cheem)
- You know when is the most chio moment of an ah lian? When she turns demure for you. Wah lan eh.
- [On my finding most of the pics of 20 Bikini Babes featured in Sept 2002's FHM tasteless] Are you gay?
- FHM... It may be in the toilet with all the sticky things on it (liquid)
- [On Seventeen] It sucks. All the girls are too young.
- [Me on Stuff Magazine] Why is it called Stuff For Men? Is there Stuff For Women? [Alvin: You want? Can lah.] [Boon Wei: Put Gabriel inside] [Alvin gives forth a long, animal-like cry of distress]
- [To me] What are you writing? Your will ah. Writing your will before RT.
- How is it? [Me: How is what?] RT. You look ecstatic. [Me: I just ate dinner] No wonder.
- [On why he continued eating my Balsamic Vinegar Kettle Chips even though he didn't really like the flavour] Where to find potato chips with this sort of crunch? (Where can you)
- [On Yaodong] Fuck him lah, he's a failure
- Gabriel, you can be a good i/c... small i/c
- [On what to do if Yaodong has'asthma' at 12 midnight again] You give him nebuliser, then screw him
- [On why he doesn't want to be the MO's Personal Assistant] Xiong leh. He keeps talking about Jesus Christ.
- Eh, your name is really Shuqi ah?
- Pakistan Disease (Parkinsons)
- [On the 20 finalists in the New Paper New Face competition 2002] All cannot make it ah
- [On someone named 'Nah'] The 'Nah' is really nah bey. Fucked up.
- [On Jamie Teo] I just find she is more, higher class of Ah Lian (a)
- Tear off Osama's turban, throw it into the sea and let it float away to Afghanistan (Afghanistan is landlocked)
- [On the pictures of Kimberly the Pink Ranger on my bunk cupboard] I prefer the one from season one. That one is better.
- [To me] You know what I like about you?... You're funny... [Me: You get irritated first, then you laugh?] I laugh first, then later I get irritated... It's okay as long as you don't try to out talk me... out argue too often
- [On The Mists Of Avalon] You have the stamina to read such thick books ah? I cannot tahan.
- [On Kairen's "At Ease!" comic strip in Pioneer] So many Malays... Is he a Malay?
- [On my getting upgraded] So now you know - don't wait for the downgrade to come to you. [Me: Look for the downgrade]
- [On the orange tube the Registry of Marriages gives to newlyweds to keep their marriage certificates] The colour of the tube is a symbl of failure... For most marriages.
- [On my haircut at 42 SAR's barber on a bad day] I don't know. [You] remind me of some cartoon character from Dragonball.
- [Me on my music tastes: Different people like different things, let's just leave it at that. For example, I don't like Korean Pop] [Someone: I also don't like Korean Pop.] I don't like Korean Pop, but I like Korean Girls.
- [On "Agagooga" and "N!ôrlãn" being from Africa] You like African girls ah? [Someone else: No, he likes Asian Prince]
- [On 'Letter to a Son'] I read it before... Read it on your website. Very funny what, your website. Especially the referrals. You mean people actually search for... [Me: Yes]
- [On my Strawberry and Red Berries exfoliating body scrub] Kanna. Tastes like fruit punch. (smells)
- [Me: Do you think he looks like Gollum?] Gay boy. Gay boy cum Porn Man. [Me: Why is he 'gay boy'?] He keeps trying to fondle me.
- Why you got so many condoms in your cupboard? Got something wrong with you? [Me: They were there when I moved in]... When do they expire? Don't waste. Give me, I go and cheong. (do you have, Is there, waste them, and I'll)
- [On underwear] Robinsons. [Me: What? Oh. You zaogeng more than me what.] It's okay for us to zaogeng.
- Gabriel, you can wear bra ah
- [To me] A lot of people decided not to keep diaries, because of what happened to you, except that it was in a diary format (have decided, what happened to your weblog happened to their paper diaries)
- [On private diaries] What's the point of writing and not letting anyone read? [Someone: Because he got 7 extra for letting people read]
- [On Mug Root Beer] I want to drink more swill.
- [To me] Were you a happy baby? [Someone else: Were you smiling when your mother gave birth to you?]
- [Me on using light stick liquid to soak pipe cleaner placed at the rear sight aperture of the M16 for night range: How novel] Are you going to put it in your diary?
- [On Asian Prince] He looks like an Indian. [Someone: I think it's the moustache]
- [On the name of the new company] P? Pussy.
- [On me losing weight] You stuffed yourself during Chinese New Year? (starved)
- [On why guys do not rather read unabashedly pornographic magazines like Playboy, Hustler and Penthouse instead of those with a veneer of social acceptability like Stuff, FHM and Maxim] Sometimes you think, ah, things that cannot be seen is more beautiful
- [On my rolling my socks down] What, like that more fun, like that more kinky? (It's more fun and kinky that way?)
- I prepared for Sunday duty by sleeping at 5 [am]
- [On marginally sensitive information] If I see it anywhere on the Internet, I'm going to kill you.
- [Me: Let me weight myself] Weigh yourself? Wait, this I must see.
- [On my recording of someone's laughter] His laugh is even more bone-chilling
- [Me: Your uniform looks very very fresh] It's always been. [Me: How do you keep it so radiant and vibrant?] Ask my maid.
- [On a sideshow at a department BBQ at East Coast] You should write: AC blouses are see-through. [Me: You didn't know that?] You can even see the colour of her bra... Perverted uniform makers.
- [On a sideshow at a department BBQ at East Coast] Ohh... sand got in her blouse. And he's taking the opportunity to help himself. Under the watchful eyes of Gabriel Seah.
- [On a sideshow at a department BBQ at East Coast] Nothing is happening at the sideshow. The show has not started yet. [Me: No, there was a show just now. Now they're taking a rest.]
- [On a sideshow at a department BBQ at East Coast] He's on top of her [Me: Wishful thinking. He's lying beside her] Now he's beside her. In 30 minutes he'll be on top of her.
- [Me on a sideshow at a department BBQ at East Coast: The sideshow has moved to the table] Both sitting on the table? That's not right. [Me: What, one {should be} sitting at the table and one kneeling in front?] I didn't say that.
- The supercomputer thing is not true right... There's this page on your site. Your friend has a supercomputer. [Me: What do you think? It also says he got 14 A1s]
- Yay, yay, yay, yay! [Claps hands] [Me: Why're you so happy?] I see you then I'm happy. You're very cheerful. You're a happy baby
- [Me: Why are Army females all chubby?] The army makes them chubby so they'll be ugly. Maybe the Army Recruitment Centre only accepts chubby females so the males won't be distracted.
- [To me] You laugh like a schoolgirl
- What's a better word for underlings? [Me: Minions]
- [Me on the new book in / book out book: What we need is something tasteful.] Like Asian Prince. [Me: *laughs semi-hysterically*] [Someone else (in Chinese): In the future, don't make him laugh]
- [Me: I saw this very stupid video] Porn [Me: What?]
- If I get an MMS phone, it must have a digital camera. [Someone: Upskirts] It's not the upskirts. [Someone: Downblouse] It's not the downblouse.
- I will integrate him later (interrogate)
- [On someone] I can't stand it when you call him 'Thunder Thighs'. It's so funny
- [On my stomach] It's the 'no support' pillow. My head keeps sinking in
- I'm very willing to receive arrows. You ask me, I won't reject you one (If you, you)
- thermometer shield (sheath)
- [On me] Ta1 xiao3 shi2 hou4 bu4 hui4 fei2 [Translation: When he was young, he wasn't fat] [Me: How do you know?] I went to your website [Me: Aiyah]
- I want a PDA. Help me indent [one].
- [On Carex Condoms] Zhe4 ge4 ni3 outfield yong4 de4 [Translation: You use these outfield] (!!!)
- [On the TV show Duke of Mount Deer 2000 aka Lu4 Ding3 Ji4] All the girls will become his wives... [Someone: All the girls acting for more than 5 minutes will become his wives]
- [On Hot Socks] Come to think of it, I've never seen any JC girls wear normal socks
- [Me on psychiatric cases: Why do we have so many 'P' cases? Can I become a 'P' case also?] I also want to be a 'P' case. I'm sick and tired of this place.
- Tell me, which malay doesn't smoke? Which malay male doesn't smoke?
- [On Yaodong running] I hope he gets caught for not wearing his shirt
- [On Psychiatric Patients] They should send them all to IMH, then close down [the] SAF ward, then I don't have to do duty. Yeh.
- [On Guoquan] When you conjure up images of a cesspit, you see his face
- Where does all my money go to? I also want to know.
- Have you paid for the VCD player? [Me: Yes!] Well it doesn't look as if you'll be able to use it.
- [To me] Don't roll up your sleeves, you look like an RGS girl.
- [On my scribbling] What did you write? Is it bad? It can't be anything good.
- [On his days in a hotel] Then all the China girls don't wear [a] bra. In the female locker room. Wah. [mimes taking shirt off]
- [Me: Someone said if he doesn't sign on, he'll become a toilet cleaner or road sweeper] He'll go and sell durians. (didn't, he'd have)
- [On a regular if he didn't sign on] He'll suffer from low self-esteem. No one to shout at.
- [On fantasy books] My tastes are simple. [Me: Then you'll probably like David Eddings.] No, that one is too simple. The story has no depth at all. They just fight, fight, fight.
- I can go outfield. 3 days, 2 nights. No problem. As long as it's not [with the] SAF.
- [On if I stand in as Senior Medic 2i/c] Then you [can] plan duty for both of us. One weekday [each].
- [Me loudly: Ooi!] Why don't you just say "kannina"?
- We have no First Sergeants in QM branch because they all either AWOL or go to DB before they become First Sergeants.
- [On padding the steps of the ladder used for mounting the bed] You provide more entertainment than the TV
- [On Lu Rui En] She sounds like she's from RJ... [Me: Do I sound like I'm from RJ?] Yes.
- [On Lu Rui En] She can speak properly in this ad, why can't she speak properly in the show?
- [On adolescence] It's natural for a girl to act cute, c'mon, especially at that age.
- Ask her to take a seat and have an interview with us. [Me: What interview?] Medical checkup. [Me: ...]
- [On items in the Medical Orderly Pouch being useless during peace time] The girl comes to you. "Sir, can you spare me one FAD?" [Me: For what? Padding ah?] Yah.
- [Me on NS breakups: A lot, especially during BMT. That's if the girls are fickle.] Girls are all fickle, come on.
- [On screwing NCC cadets] Look at it this way. They enjoy being tortured, otherwise they won't be here... Those who don't like to be tortured would have quit after the first week.
- All so ugly... How come I don't have luck this time?... No nice bodies, no nice faces, no nice features.
- [Me on why the gender ratio is not demoralising: Because Singaporean men are shit] Yes, just like you and me... Those who are not shit are bastards.
- I conclude that girls who join NCC aren't very feminine.
- Wah kao, I saw a girl with muscular legs. *walks off* I like girls with well-toned legs. I don't like girls with masculine legs.
- Only Ah Bengs like to go to Pasar Malams. Then they can buy their "No Fear" shirts.
- Gabriel has been looking depressed ever since he became the Docu I/C. [Someone: I've been stressed ever since the recruits came in] [Me: That makes it {my depression} worse]
- No, don't call me 'Bob'. Later all 10 [new medics] call me Bob, I boo (pronounced as a dialect work) you.
- The only place you can get pork satay is from Chinese... Or renegade Malays. Or should I say "enlightened" Malays.
- I see an unhealthy trend. Soon the only one sleeping in bunk will be me.
- [On his spec course] After I come back, I won't do anything
- [Me: So old - can become a prostitute?] Why not? Her mouth is so big. [Me: I thought guys like girls with small mouths] It's different now. [Me: I don't know, I've no experience]
- [On the SAR-vivor rap] Why do you want it? Then you can irritate yourself. Play it, then you'll go 'ahhh!', run out of the room... Put it on repeat, then you don't have to go into the room
- [On eating soya beancurd while having a stomachache] [Me: Then {the} next morning you will lao sai {diarrhea} again. {We'll} have to inject you with Stemetil.] Stemetil's for vomiting. [Me: It can come out from both your orifices. How many orifices do you have?] A lot. [raucuous laughter ensues] That's not what I meant. [Me: Then what did you mean? How many orifices does he have?] Nose, ears, mouth...
- [On a girl he knows from Renewal, a MMORPG] Yesterday I asked one of them to help me buy something. Girls like to queue up.
- [On taking a day off] What are you doing tomorrow? [Me: Something I haven't done in a long time] [Someone: Pah Chiu Cheng {masturbating}] [Someone else: Think of **** *** and Pah Chiu Cheng]
- [On why everyone thinks Taiwan is full of pretty girls, but that not being the case] It's just like Japan. All the beautiful girls go and pai1 AV [film adult videos]
- [On not being able to sleep] I need powder.
- [On Rui En] Her eyes, her expression is quite rubbish.
- [On Rui En and a Channel 8 serial] Your idol is on TV. [I rush out and am dejected] [Me: Cheh. I thought it was Asian Prince]
- Eh! Jiabao! [Me: Eh! Bob!] Eh, shit.
- [On playing 'Ganguro Girl'] There was this time when I had to keep pressing "up"
- [On my dragging an ice cube across my chest] Wah lao... Trying to arouse yourself... Eraser nipples... Your nipples are like the erasers on the end of the pencils.
- [Me: 'Bob' is a very common name] So is 'cesspit'.
- He needs his beauty sleep. [Me: It doesn't seem to be doing much good] *laughter* [Ban Xiong: One of these days, I'll smother you with my pillow] [Me: Who, me or Melvin?] [Ban Xiong: Both]
- [On my filing 100 dockets] You finished filing all the dockets? [Me: Yeah, man. I finished them all last night] I'm so proud of you
- [On not booking out to eat on a night off day] I want to save money. [Me: Then why do you always go to the canteen?] Shut up [Ed: Said person probably ended up eating instant noodles in the bunk, instead of cookhouse food].
- [On me] He will go and hunt him, like he hunted the secondary school girls at NCC cover... He will step in front of the secondary school boy or girl and ask, "Excuse me..." (haunt, haunted, would)
- I am the Master of Office
- Why're you so vexed? [Takes my scribble sheet] Sorry, I can't read your writing. [Me: That's the point.]
- [On my troubles] You're gonna become a P Case if you carry on like this
- [On having to do area cleaning before booking out after RT on a long weekend] No wonder our BUC is so lan [lousy]
- [On someone] He thinks like a girl like that. Every word you say, he will go and think of the other meaning.
- Lessons in people management: If you push a person too hard, he will become suicidal. First step is [a] protest run, like you.
- [Me: People always ask me to introduce RJ girls to them] Yah, I want to know RJ girls. Very chio. I looked at the past years' yearbooks.
- [Someone: I want to know more girls.] I can introduce this girl to you. "Kimberly", she's Gabriel's friend. She's always online... I've never met her before, but I find her quite nice to chat to. [Someone: Is she the same size as Gabriel?] About the same size.
- National [JC], the girls cannot make it.
- [On the above] Because he's interested in JC girls. He's got a fetish for JC girls.
- Enciks usually have the opinion of wanting everyone to die. (attitude)
- My girlfriend is my computer
- [Me on a briefing I didn't need to go for: Why am I wasting my time here?] You already wasted 1 1/2 years of your life here... Nevermind, waste 2 1/2 years. At least you won't waste your life, like those regulars.
- [On my trip to the UK] Go there [and] look at big boobs. [Someone: Most of them don't wear [a] bra]
- Has Melvin gone back to bunk? [Me: No, he's still here.] He told me he wanted to book out. [Me: He doesn't like to book out. He likes to stay in bunk and eat instant noodles and sleep.] So that his tummy will get bigger and bigger.
- [Someone: Every site I visit is child porn.] That's because the only sites he visits are child porn ones.
- [On child porn] How come I've never seen it? [Someone: That's because he only plays Neopets.]
- Who's Duli Yang? [Me: Duli Yang, Maha Mulia, Seri Paduka...] Ok, ok, I know.
- [On our medical proficiency test] Can moderate what. All fail, then moderate.
- [On Friendster] I'm your friend's friend's friend. Want to meet tonight for sex?
- [Me on an X-ray at CMPB: Wouldn't you rather stay out and go there tomorrow morning?] Are you crazy? You know how many times I've booked out this week? Wah lao. Cannot tahan. [Me: This is the first time I've heard someone complain about booking out too much.]
- [Someone on not stopping CPR if you fracture a rib: Do you want to save lives or save organs first?] Save organs lor. After die can donate (you die you can donate them)
- [On Tanjong Gul's 'Camp II'] Camp 11? They have so many camps here ah?
- She males cannot get jobs, so they take pictures of themselves.
- Gabriel, you're supposed to be on a diet. I forbid you from eating vegetable (vegetables)
- [On a female who gave a talk] Aiyoh, the face is just like Ban Xiong like that. (Ban Xiong's)
- You know what he does all day? He sits in his office thinking, [folds hands] 'Hmm, how should I torment Gabriel?'
- [On getting 2 years' jail for having oral sex performed on oneself] Life imprisonment? Might as well deal with drugs and get hanged. (in)
- [To me] I love to see you eat. All the deft touches - so fast, so furious. It's almost an art.
- Who should I send for the 50 kilometer run?... Gabriel! It'll take you three days to finish walking it.
- [To me] Please do not put your breasts on the table in front of me when I'm eating.
- [Me: My friend's letter just got published in the Straits Times. There are so many issues nowadays - I don't know whether it's about oral sex or LKY.] Maybe it's thanking a taxi driver.
- [On trying the reflex test on my elbow, then knee and failing due to his incompetence] You have no reflexes.
- [On why Koi have reappeared in the RSM's pond] 42 is going downhill.
- [On SIB - Special Investigation Branch - monitoring my blog] Wah. SIB must be very fun.
- I am the Master Of Office. Don't doubt me.
- [Me: Ah, all the action we missed out on when we were 18] Watch 'Girls Gone Wild'.
- [On tucking Ban Xiong in] You must read him a bedtime story or sing him a lullaby.
- [On the Casio Exilim] That one's just for girls lah
- [On SOC] If you really cannot [do it], then do what I always say - go and injure yourself.
- Some more, now is the school holidays. [Me: Go and pick up shrill, anorexic, chinese-speaking ah lians] Someone else is already doing that
- [On my high pitched yawns] What is that supposed to be? Your mating call?
- Today he was talking to someone who commited suicide also. [Me: He's a necromancer? Can talk with the dead?] (attempted)
- [On breaking my lock] This is from someone who has broken his lock 2 times. Let me show you the power of the paramedic scissors. *proceeds to fail*
- My whole [JC] class stayout except for 2 persons [,including me]... fuck. (stays-out)
- [Me: Don't you find it reassuring to have an arm on your shoulder?] Yes, but not your arm. [Me: Then whose arm?] Maybe some chiobu's arm, but not around my shoulder? [Me: Then where?] Nevermind.
- [Someone: Is 'Scary Movie' scary or not?] Scary? You want to know what is scary? Then go to [the] company line.
- In the SAF Ward, the most frequent visitors are from 42SAR, or rather from Armour... If I see [people from] 42, I always see [people from] Support [Company]
- [On someone attempting to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of muscle rub] Next time ask him to kill someone first... Kill the people who are torturing him.
- It's good to have a horse... I can ride it to camp... but nowhere to park... I can let it walk home, then when I need it I can whistle and it will come, like Gandalf (It would be good, but there's, Gandalf did)
- You mean your camera got phone meh (phone has a camera)
- [On asking questions of TCS Artistes] You are sex kitten. I always fantasise you going around my bed naked (?)
- [On asking questions of Fiona Xie] I'm a big fan of your breasts
- [On asking questions of TCS Artistes] How do you keep your breasts so big?
- [On a regular] See? Gey Kiang [Ed: Hokkien for 'trying to be too smart'], go and upgrade. Now cannot pass [IPPT], want to downgrade.
- They are the psychic case (psychiatric cases)
- [On a motivational mail] 'Attitude' can't change my life. Only ORD can change my life.
- I don't want to be the people that say [other people's lives are good], I want to be the people other people call 'ah gua peng' [Ed: Sissy Soldier] (someone who says that, someone whom)
- [On the combat pay of 42SAR] Receive all the money to go to [a] psychiatrist
- 42 will be celebrating Hari Raya in the field. Celebrating the festival of the mat in the mud.
- [On Wo-Hen] Can't take it, can't take it. I need to read FHM, or what.
- I have a feeling of impending doom.
- [On the grassroots leaders visit to Nee Soon camp] So are any of our friends' fathers grassroots leaders? Ask them to go. "Very good, very good"
- [On safety and learning from mistakes] All wear black. CO killed by a flying baka pole. "Treat it as a learning experience"
- [On a route march] I'm your bunk mate. I always take good care of you. Fuck you, walk faster lah!
- Once I came to 42, everything went down[hill]. Nothing surprises me anymore.
- [On my being in 42SAR for almost 20 months] I don't know how you lasted here so long. You are truly strong.
- [On 'How to marry the man of your choice'] This stupid book plants stupid ideas into stupid women.
- [On the above] Are you going to write that down? Let me repeat it to you slowly. [Me: No need]
- [On my listening to 96.8FM] What the hell are you doing? Do you want me to send you to PCC?
- [On my troubles] They seems to have given up on you. Now they only make fun of you. Always seems to call your name. (seem)
- Are we the only ones who clean the toilet? Sorry, I phrased it wrongly. Are we the only ones who are supposed to clean the toilet?
- There's nothing much to do in the Treatment Room. I wonder what Toh Ah Beng does there all day. That's why he goes for so many details... His job is so much easier than mine.
- [On my secret garden] Why is my name still there?... And stop forging my signature! [Me: It's not me. It was Melvin]
- [Me on someone diagnosed with computer games addiction: Wah. C2 ah. Why don't you downgrade for porn addiction?] Fuck you.
- [On being appreciated] Get something more intangible from him. [Me: What, more empty words?] "Good job guys". A "good job guys" is equivalent to 2 days off.
- [On his secondary school days recce-ing the NUS canteens] If you want to look at girls, go to the Arts canteen. If you want to look for guys to laugh at, Engineering is a good bet.
- Hygiene inspection on mon. Specs will be inspected by rsm (sms) (Haircut)
- [On my filing the medical dockets from the previous day] Why you put back? They're going to report sick again today. (did you put them)
- [On the finer points of cursing in Hokkien] [Me: When do you say 'lan jiao' and when do you say 'jee bye'?] Jee bye is when you're du lan [Ed: Pissed off] over something. [Me: Lan jiao is...?] Lan jiao is when someone says something wrong. 'Lan jiao lah!'
- [Dennis: Weng! Weng! Weng!] Is that Dennis or Ban Xiong? [Me: *points at Dennis* Ban Xiong doesn't make stupid noises] He doesn't make stupid noises. He only makes stupid comments.
- [Me on the Lord of the Rings exhibition: You can see Arwen's dress] Arwen's underwear. [Someone: Only tubby will think of this kind of thing]
- [Me on some Ah Lian: I see the crack of someone's ass] That's different. That's more elegant.
- You should add some sex to your blog because it's too full of shit.
- He got ATT C for stress. [Me: Wah. Can I also get ATT C for stress?] Try scolding a colonel. [Me: I'll get court martialled] SOL 21 days. That's what *** did. [Me: He scolded a colonel? He's crazy] He scolded the colonel at PMIC [Psychological Medicine In-care Centre]. SOL 21 days.
- [Me on my headache: Wah, I need more panadol, man] Don't overdose ah.
- [On Anchol Cholesterol Free Drink, a truly vile Korean concoction] Tastes like procodin. Worse than procodin... That's why it gives you energy - you remember the taste
- I should be born a girl (have been)
- [On my close encounter with ferocious canines] I know it's you lah, chee bye. Only you take the stick and chase the dog. (will take)
- Do you believe in an afterlife? [Someone: No] You only believe in life after NS. That's your afterlife.
- [On the Lancer briefing] Go and give a speech [Me: On what?] [Someone: How to get downgraded] [Me: Go and die]
- [Me: 'It is a privilege to train in Brunei'] Fuck you, then don't send me there
- [Me on Movie Night: Would you like to see a Wo-hen music video?] Go and die... If you ever show it to me I'll skin you alive (one)
- [On Movie Night] Why can't we have a Romantic Comedy?
- The Bruneian FAD [Ed: First Aid Dressing] has one big chop [on it] [Me: Halal]
- [Me: Airpork is healthy and tasty] You get on the plane, then you become 'Airpork' (???)
- I saw pirated CD when I was in SMM doing guard duty. I just asked him where he bought it (caught someone with a pirated)
- [On the rubbish dump at Lakiun being in building no 42] Did you notice the "42"? [Me: Yeah. What?] Cesspit. [Me: No lah - dustbin] Isn't it the same? You put shit in it.
- [On river crossing] Most important is to look out for sharks (alligators)
- [On cold spray] Actually it's quite cold.
- I've just realised that our battalion sucks. How can you win in Red Alert by building APCs?
- [Me on the Song of Silver Frond: Did you enjoy the story of pedophilia?] Not really. Sucks. I'll never ever read a Catherine Lim book. (book again)
- [On "Tango Bar" - cheap Malaysian chocolate] It's not very sweet... It doesn't taste very much like a chocolate.
- [On a phone call] He's looking for someone called "nua" (Nah - "Nua" means "soft/weak" in dialect)
- [On the girls who went on his school trip to Germany] They do watch porn lah, trust me.
- [On Lakiun's flag lowering music] Is that the Bruneian National Anthem?
- [On 'fast cold' packs] These are the goods ones, those are the bads ones (good, bad)
- [Me: How many of your female friends cut their hair after breaking up or undergoing some great emotional change?] All
- [On Exercise Minotaur] Bring back some World Cup Souvenirs [Me: World Cup? Don't you mean Olympics?]
- [Me on the debilitating effects of NS: Don't you feel disconnected from the world?] I'm not disconnected from the world. I'm on the internet.
- [Written] CPL Denise (Denise)

Following are post-ORD (ie My ORD) quotes

- I think Wang has a pHD in porno.
- The only cure for footrot is ORD
- [On transferring shampoo into a smaller bottle] I squirted into the bottle 4 times
- You can start a society in NUS: Asian Prince Society
- [On Asian Prince] I see people putting up his picture.

--- Fellow Medics / Bunk mates (42SAR)

 

- [On miserly NDP portions] I'm never going to Pizza Hut ever again
- [On my wang4 wang4 milk tea and Oreos in the Pantry fridge] You're like on holiday
- [On life in HQ MC] I almost forgot that I was a soldier
- [On a Senior Medic] He doesn't deserve a name. Call him "a n'air (Alt Spelling of pronunciation: ah neh)
- [On the fringe benefits of duty] After office hours this phone is for you to use. The MO room's phone is for you to use. The computers also for you to use. Why waste your handphone bill?
- [To me] Your best friend Clarence Lun will report sick again tonight
- [On the Medical Officer] When he comes back, I will ask him, 'Sir, do you want to charge Clarence Lun?'
- I feel like doing one for Clarence... DB FFI [Detention Barracks Fit For Infantry checkup] [Someone else: Steady... Zhe4 ge4 wo3 zhou4 {I'll do that one}]
- I listen to the bitchy voice of Jamie Yeo, but I forgive her, because she's beautiful.
- [A Lance Corporal] I'm downgrade ah [Spec: I think you should be upgraded and promoted] Fuck you. (downgraded)
- [On retaking GP] Then you go Hua Cu to take. Then you will feel that your English is very good. Serious. (should go to)
- Gabriel, you look like the fyour'nix in Harry Potter (Phoenix)
- [On The Economist] How to read? Then I've to bring a dictionary.
- [On The Mists Of Avalon and me] Ooi! I actually found someone who read it.
- [On my whiteheads] If I have a girlfriend I ask her to lick till it drop (will ask, them till they)
- [On his schooling] After 10 years in AC. [Me: Not 12 years?] 10 years. Cannot tahan anymore.
- I don't like RJ guys. I only like RJ girls... RJ girls rock.
- HCJC - a lot of dark corners. I saw before... [Someone: Making out? Or...] Passionate kissing. [Me: Ah. *disparagingly]
- Hua Chong [JC] is only happening when a lot of RGS girls go there
- [On HCJC] Chinese doesn't equal Communist
- [On the food at the cookhouse] Why you all say 'Malay food'? I said 'barely edible' then all of you said 'Malay food'. You're not the first one (said)
- [To me] You should write a book. You have great literary talent.
- What happens if the docket is being lost throughout the journey? (lost during)
- One is the initialised hospitalisation report (initial)
- [Me on Block Leave: Go to Malaysia lor. Malaysia - Truly Asia.] Fuck. How can I go to Malaysia after their soccer team beat our soccer team?
- [On sggirls.com] Quite cool. A lot of my friends [are] there. [Me: You searched for 'acjc girls'?] I clicked 'school uniform', looked for my school. Eh? I know her. I know her. You know how they get there? [Me: They scan in the yearbook.] Fuck lar, damn cheapo.
- [On sggirls.com] A lot of AC girls. All cannot make it. RJ girls are better, especially your year.
- [On me lying on the floor] See, when Tang is not around this is life in the Medical Centre. Life should be like that.
- God, once again, has not entered the Garden of Aden (Eden)
- Oh yah hor. There's no 'Q' in Hercules. H-E-R-C-U-L-E-S.
- [On my soft toy] Next time I hug you then you hug me (...)
- [On my recording of someone's laughter] It sounds, like Diablo
- GP car hai2 shi4 (Translation: or) admin vehicle? [Driver: GP car] Yes! Yes! [Sings] I love GP car
- [On my CPL rank being sewn on shoddily] Jialat. Yours is even worse than mine. Nevermind. This one is called, 'I fucking don't care'. Right? I respect you.
- [On my chocolate] I want! Can give me one?... Eee, what happened to the colour? (Can you)
- [Me on a song: Something like: What can take away all your worries? What can make you happy forever?] Tell him: Sex. Sex and violence.
- [On the Nokia 8910i costing more than $1000 even on a plan] Why so expensive? Can watch TV ah?... Watch TV, watch porn.
- [Me on an Adidas Blue Spaghetti Strap Tank Top: $41.90 for this? This is extortionate. This is exorbitant.] Who says? It can help you attract more guys to pay for you.
- [Me: What do you think of our cookhouse?] Fucked up! [Me: Do you eat breakfast [there]?] No. [Me: Do you eat lunch [there]?] No. [Me: Do you eat dinner [there]?] Sometimes.
- [Leans close to me] Let me give you a kiss, man. *muak* *muak* *muak* [Sees no reaction from me] You're a homosexual, man. You're a homosexual. [Me: Your breath stinks]
- [To someone else] Wah your lan jiao [is] very smelly
- [On his present - a Gollum action figure with sound] Why did you buy me this? I don't look like Gollum
- thermometer chefs (sheaths)
- Gabriel! Check it out. [Me: S.C. !] Suck Cock. My name is 'Suck Cock'
- So do you choose the red pill, or the blue pill? [Brandishes 2 pills which are half red and half blue]
- [On a fundamentalist] He's living in the Matrix
- Don't send me porn. I only have 10MB left on my hard disk.
- [Someone on the Documentation Room: All the other tables, don't have zhar bor {pinned underneath the glass}] Wang cannot. Wang put there, jialat. Everyday sit there and wank. Grab the table.
- [On ORD] My new rank is "Mr".
- [On SAF Cookhouses] Armour food is the worst in Singapore.
- [On my sleeping on 3 foam mattresses] You think you're what - Princess and the Pit ah? (Who do you think you are?, Pea)
- [On ACJC] My school got not chiobus. [Me: I thought ACJC is the land of the...] Sluts and bitches. (has)
- [Someone: You know your junior class has one very chio girl] [Me: ******* ******] [Wakes from his slumber on remembering his first 3 months of J2 life] Hey, jeebye! Wah lan eh! Her fucking skirt is damn short. Until here [chops hand 1/3 way down thigh]. When she sits down... [Pointing to armpits] Up here, damn tight. Everytime zaogeng. I think she wore her sec one uniform.
- [On an ACJC arts class's photos] Eh jeebye. No chiobus. Kannina
- [On pictures of ACJC girls] So small. [Someone: You like small and perky] I like Christy Chung
- [On pictures of NUS girls at the beach] Hey! Hey! Sports bra.
- [Someone on pictures of NUS girls at the beach: Engine so chio ah?] Engine hen2 shao3 chio1 dan4 chio1 shi4 hen3 chio1
- [On pictures of NUS girls at the beach] [Sees back of RGS PE T-Shirt on a photo] Eh, RGS! [Sees back of girl's head] Eh, don't want
- [On my teddy bear: New teddy bear smell] Some girl.
- [On patriotism] The only thing I like about Singapore is the food
- [On his rare cookhouse breakfast, including a Tau Sar Delight] Breakfast today was fucked up. How come the curry puff was sweet?
- [On shitting on a squat toilet without a pipe] I must use water and my left hand. [Me: And the water comes from the toilet bowl?]
- [To me] There was this guy, when I was attached to AMS [Army Medical Services]. He went round taking pictures of secondary school girls zaogeng... He talks like you.
- [Me: What do you think of 'Duli Yang'?] What the fuck is that? [Me: Duli yang maha mulia seri paduka baginda yang di pertuan tun tan sri datuk utama seri ** ***] Gabriel, are you speaking in tongues?
- [On people from obese BMT and doing IPPT once in the unit] You all obese [people] pass, never get anything? [Someone: More training] (When you)
- Eh Gabriel, you're sick. Why did you buy "Seventeen"? It's a women's magazine. It doesn't have pictures of girls, only of what girls do. [Someone: He wants to understand them better] [You bought it] Just for a tube of facial cleaner? *proceeds to open the magazine's wrapping and read it*
- You don't watch wrestling? [Me: No, my mental state has not degenerated to that level yet.] Oh my god. Your supersonic English
- Japanese guys like to degrade Japanese girls. They like to make them pose in degrading positions.
- Army trains you to eat fast then go back to bunk and sleep.
- There are some people who spend 5 hours a day looking for new porn websites... I used to do that during my holidays. [Someone: That was before you discovered child porn. Just go to Kazaa.] **** also looks at child porn. [Someone: I only look, I don't collect. You have... how many gig?]
- Every new technology is used for child porn. World wide web... Gnutella... Kazaa.
- [On Close Combat Training] Please ensure you have a good view of us jumping in the field and groping each other.
- Eh look at the rape high school club. [Someone: Got rape primary school club or not?]
- [Me: Is Wang trying to corrupt you?] Watersports.
- Let's go and look for child porn now [Someone: Third on his list. After scat and watersports]
- This medical centre is mine. You dare to put anything inside the fridge? I will eat it for you. [Someone: Stool sample.]
- [On someone] He's the oly one in the Medical Centre whom nobody calls friend.
- Masturbate - left hand. Eat pork - left hand. All the dirty things use left hand (things: use)
- sastisfaction forms (satisfaction)
- [On compiling useless, superfluous, unnecessarily detailed statistics] Does he also want to know whether they like cheese burgers or veggie burgers?
- Ah lians? Please. I just want to find decent, exotic, non-chinese bips. (babes)
- [Me: You all are shitting together again ah?] Standard. Eat together, shit together. [Me: Sleep together] Fuck you. (It's standard practise)
- [On his Friendster list of 96] At least 20 of them are SC[GS]... All either SC of AC.
- [On booking out dockets] What do you put in remarks? [Someone: 'Post Out'] [Me: 'Good riddance'] They're actually very nice people. [Me: Then what did they do to deserve a place like 42?] That's what they were saying during posting.
- [On the price of being in the Premier Combined Arms Division] They are fuckers. My reports are never ending.
- If Gabriel pass IPPT, I'll treat the whole medical centre Crystal Jade. [Someone: The Taka one] If Gabriel get a silver for IPPT, I'll treat the whole medical centre anything they want. [Me: If I get Gold, you'll treat the whole of Sungei Gedong] If Gabriel get gold, I'll treat the whole of Sungei Gedong anything. One bao4 yu2 [Ed: Abalone] each. (passes, centre to, gets, centre to, gets, Gedong to)
- [On my good humour] Gabriel, are you getting married or something?
- [On SCDF people] The other day we saw them being knocked down at the gate. [Someone: Are you sure they weren't saying Friday prayers?] Jee bye! [Someone: Kannina!]
- [On me not getting an understudy] After you ORD, 42's morale will go down, then they will have to be decommissioned as a unit... No one to book referrals.
- [On sggirls.com] I normally go for 'swimsuit' and 'laundry' (lingerie)
- I know a lot of people who read motivational stories, but they still suck.
- The new MMI is at DSO building right? [Me: Yah] NUS right? [Me: Yeah.] I wouldn't mind working there. All the pretty girls... NUS girls *slurps* [Me: Shrill, anorexic, chinese-speaking ah lians] NUS is full of JC chicks - all should be quite cute.
- [On my idols] Kimberly is actually Wo-Hen Nankan.
- [On my ex and someone] If she's one year his junior, he's probably screwed her already.
- [To me on Wang] You're the only one who can control him.
- [On my critique of Junhui's essay] Moral of the story: Never let Gabriel read your essay.
- [On a University application essay] Mine is very very different. [Me: What? 'Hey!'?] Hey, jee bye! Hey, jee bye! [Someone: Then they'll ask what's 'hey, jee bye!']
- [On cadets] They're still quite nice people. Wait until they get commissioned, then they become fuckers. Can you imagine Swee Soon if he's commissioned? 'Eh. Hello! Hello!'
- [On me and my stick] You look like a Sergeant Major. Medical Centre Sergeant Major. MSM.
- Gabriel, you should get a wife. [Me: So I can - stay out?] Someone to take care of you for the rest of your life (?)
- We need comfort women in the camp. Then people won't mind staying in, I tell you. A lot of people will sign on... FFI for prostitutes.
- [On IQA requirements] 'Once Obese Always Obese'. What a stupid concept.
- How come your people like to report sick one? How come 46 doesn't report sick? [Me: 42 sucks.]
- [On Kimberly] Why you like this girl? Like fuck like that. (do you)
- Dogs have penis ah? (penises)
- [On someone] He didn't disappear very often. He only disappeared often after his car broken down.
- [On my ORD mood] You look so happy nowadays... so unlike your previous self

--- Medics from other units

 

- There is no "loop" in the army, only "left right" (???)
- [On a CDAC talk] Kan4 she2 me4? Strip show?... [Someone else: Jin1 tian1 you3 mei2 you3 Jo'an Ow?]
- I don't horn people. I'm a very polite driver. I only let people horn me. (horn at)
- [On Dr Pepper] It tastes like Cyanide
- medic orderlines (medical orderlies)
- Upstairs QM office speak English. My store speak Chinese. (in the QM's, you converse in, In my, we speak)
- [On why they need so many clerks] The senior specs have the education level of a stone
- HQ has no CSM... CMI - Company Major Idiot
- [Me on someone he doesn't like: Call him, call him...] Chauffeur. [Me: 'Chauffeur' sounds better than 'driver'.] Fuck you, 'driver' sounds better.
- I like Secondary School girls lor
- Look at you, so cute... RJ guy. I like you. My cousin is also from RJ. Act and talk like you (Acts, talks)
- You see all the recruits book in, so happy. Hahaha.
- Saturday, obese recruits... 'Armour good what, wash tanks'. Fuck you lah, wash tanks.
- [Opinions of the RSM] Face like Super Mario... Everytime walk like that... It took me a month to understand what he was saying [NB: Battalion, Watch Your Front. Battalion - Keep Still There]
- Driver and medic must sit together. Driver and medic are good friends.
- You got downgraded ah? [Me: How come you know? How come the whole unit knows?] You so cute what
- [42SAR drivers on Henry when they were in the same bunk] He used to be our bunkmate... We always treat she-him as our good friend... entertainment... our sex slave
- Why you so happy? [Me: Can book out lor] Very easy content (easily contented)
- [On my marching] Even CO doesn't dare to march like this.
- [On my getting upgraded] See you man, and God Bless You.
- [On my manning the safety signal set] Then next time not enough medics, get the signaller to do (if there are not, be one)
- [On my polar bear] This is a polar bear?... Serious? It looks like a cross between a pig and a polar bear.
- [On my soft toys] You should buy more... You should buy one that looks like me.
- [On someone being strapped up for an ECG] You want [the] white candle or [the] red candle?
- [On Games Day] Okay, we will play a game - hide and seek. Then who shall be the catcher? CSM.
- I'm surprised that you can remember my name. [Me: Why should you be surprised by that?] Because I can't remember yours.
- [Me: Isn't your name pronounced 'Evan'?] Yah. [Me: So why does everyone call you 'Ivan'?] Can't be helped
- Why the hell do you need to go to asianprince.com when you have one sitting right here?
- [Me: Where's BSO? I haven't seen him for a long time] He's on course. [Me: What course is he on?] Intercourse
- [Me: Medical Appointment] Wow. [Me: I've 2 Medical Appointments today] Wow. Can you give me one?
- Gabriel, what are you reading? Economist. Chao Chee Bye... [Tosses me Newman magazine] [Me: I flipped through it while on duty yesterday. *tosses it back*] I'll give you something more suitable for an RJ student. [Tosses Sophie's World at me] [Me: Nah, I heard that gives you headaches. *Tosses it back* Let me finish my periodical first] 'Periodical'? You dareto use the word 'periodical' on me outfield?
- [On my Nano Nano] Before you eat you must know how to sing the song (eat it)
- [On the hexamine fuel in the combat rations which smells like fish mixed with dog food] Come and smell the pussy hair [Someone: Chao Chee Bye!]
- [Me on his handphone wallpaper: Why does your Jap girl like to do this? *I lean forward and use my upper arms to compress my chest so my cleavage is enhanced*] Don't do that! Don't do that!
- [On the phone while on weekend duty] Hello. Duty clerk here. How's your dinner? Na beh.
- [On someone] He's really not a bad person, except that he's bald
- [On SARS] Now is a bad time to be a medic right.
- [On being beaten up during UC] If I were you I'd go and sit on him and give him one tight slap... I don't care
- Where are the officers? They're upstairs watching Miss Universe.
- [On screaming in my sleep] You must have been having a good dream. You sounded like you were making love.
- [On my observation that his hair had gained in volume during his ORD leave] You know why you're so fat? It's because you're so full of shit.
- [On talking to me on the phone] I think I better, speak English.
- [On an instrumental rendition of Ave Verum Corpus] Hao3 xiang4 you3 ren2 da3 wan2 zan4, shi3 [Translation: It's like someone died after a battle] *salutes*
- Gabriel, what school were you from? [Me: RJ] Before that? [Me: RI] Stay away from us, we're from ACS. [Ed: I should have said 'Chao Yang'...]
- [On everyone ganging up to gang bang me] Wah lau, Gabriel, you're like the number 1 enemy in our unit.
- [On my troubles] You can go and kill yourself. We'll build a statue of you... Your arm outstretched, and an eagle on your hand. Before enlistment, people will go there and pray... "Don't let me go [to] NS, don't let me go [to] NS..." Then the eagle will shit on them.
- [On Screwed Up Regulars] Don't you know? 42 is a dumping ground.
- Firm and Fear'y (Fiery)
- Have you ever seen a bicycle travelling faster than a tonner?... That's the greatest insult
- [Me: Hello, Medical Centre] I'm calling from the Ops Room. [Me: Which Ops Room are you from?] 42 Ops Room. [Me: Oh ok, what are you calling regarding?] Err. I'll call you back later.
- Where's the "Army Dream Girl?" [Someone: She's there what. *points to one side*]
- Is alcohol a drug allergy? [Me: You're allergic to alcohol? So sad. Then you can't go clubbing.] Oh, shut up.
- Life in 42 is getting from bad to worse
- [On being in the army for 10 months) All my linguistic structures are eroding (?)
- [Before I draw his blood] Can I scream in pain? [Me: Your choice]
- rifle stringe (sling)
- PSI card (PCI)
- Life isn't fair. If life were fair, Gabriel would be my CO. (?)
- Silly And Foolish. SAF stands for what. (That's what SAF stands for)
- [On safety during the airborne course] There ws one guy who was even more vicious. He hoped that ***'d land in a crocodile farm in Southern Thailand.
- [Me on the black meal: I hope it's not mat food] I think it's mat food. I heard the food today is funeral food.
- [On his medical appointment] The AH woman - fucking chio. The girl who help me take the X-ray - touch here *touches waist* [Me: She touched you?] Yah.
- [On using real SAR 21s for the river crossing] It seems the 'dummy' is mutually exclusive. Either the person organising is a dummy, or the rifle is a dummy. (It seems that only one can be a dummy -)
- [Me to a nice guy about to be posted to a company for BMT: I cannot imagine you knocking down the recruits] Neither can I.
- [On engineering] It's like a dump ground. Dumping ground.
- [On singing silly army songs] Dang1 bing1 shi4 bao3 hu4 guo2 jia1, bu4 shi4 chang4 ge1 de4 [Translation: Being a soldier is not about singing songs, but about protecting the country]
- [On a driver] Ta1 jia4 ni3, hao3 xiang4 na4 ge4 game - Crazy Taxi. [Translation: Being driven like him is like being driven in the game Crazy Taxi]
- Good morning medic. [Me: Hi] You're cute.
- [On the arcane Lakiun cookhouse queuing system] Sometimes it's like that. They don't use their heads to think. They use their asses to think.
- You know why 42 is so fucked up? Because of fucking BHQ.
- I'm a staff nurse at SGH. [Me: So young?] Staff nurse [level/grade] 1. [Me: I was under the impression that staff nurses were all 40 year old women] Do I look like a 40 year old woman?
- [On getting a grossly undercooked chicken wing while doing COS cookhouse duty at Lakiun] I deserve better treatment.
- [To someone] Yo! You're back from [your] course. [Someone: I'm back] [Me: I'm back too] [Someone else: No one cares about you]

--- Unit Mates (Enlistee/Third Sergeant level)

 

- A rigourous training in the outfields allows the soldiers to be prepared for anything. (outfield)

--- SAF websites

 

- anyone caught wil be formally dealt with (will)
- personnal only (personnel)
- [NB: I got scolded for following the instructions of this sign] Go Green! Recycle!

1) Please crush your cans and dispose them here
2) Do your bit to save Earth
3) Thanks for the good deed (of them)
- [On a car] Warning: Young INFANTryman on board
The Army
- out of bound to male (bounds, males)
- [NTUC Pioneer Policy form] For you and your parents
Take a policy to protect yourself. Do this for your parents who have put in much effort to bring you up... It is important for every person to have life insurance.
- This is a computer generated and needs no signature (document and)
- Do you know that Logisticians embrace the SAF Core Values in their work... (?)
- Nothing we do in peacetime warrants unnecessary risk of life (So what you do in war can warrant unnecessary risk of life?)
- Herqules (Hercules)
- All ranks canteen
- No spitting or use of vulgar language is allowed within the unit.
- Servicemen are refrain from discussing subjects involving race, language or religion within the unit. (to refrain)
- Servicemen are not allowed to eat from moving from point to point.
- During changing of lubricants for vehicle's components, it is unlikely for soldiers to contact dermatitis or other skin troubles unless simple precautions and personal cleanliness are observed (likely that, will)
- Nineki's Cabinet (Drawer)
- this sofa is mend for shoe samples fitting only (meant, trying on shoes)
- Driver's Pledge (Drivers')
- Do not eating here (eat)
- ATC celebrates Sinagapore 37th birthday (Singapore's)
- Thank you for your corporation (co-operation)
- It is our duty to inform you that it is an offence to STEAL office stationery. Please be considerate as there are still SURVIVORS in this office who need these stationery to keep their EARDRUM intact. Thanks for your co-operation.

The curse........
Whoever steal scissor/penknife will be cut by paper, steal pen & all your pen will leak. Steal at your own risk........
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.(???)
- impatient discharge (inpatient)
- ink cartrigue refill (cartridge)
- senarios (scenarios)
- 10 grounds rules to remember (ground)
- No personnel is allowed to report sick outside, if really fell sick come back and report sick (one, you really fall)
- Instructions for dinning in the dinning area must be read and followed closely (dining)
- Gore-tex is to be brought along on raining days (rainy)
- This applied to the ferry service timing from Sembawang MRT & back here (applies, timings for for those departing from, ?)
- Max Clearence 3.0M (Clearance)
- Miscellous (Miscellaneous)
- All personals are to go for breakfast in the morning (personnel)
- 2 spect 14 frighter (specs, fighters)
- proposed pedystrian gate (pedestrian)
- existing stuff gate (staff)
- exerpts from good safety practices (excerpts)
- equiptment point (equipment)
- *WARNING*
This TV has been set to optimum clearence... For the sake of those watch Channel U, it may be not as clear as Channel 8... Pls do not adjust the atenna... Be considerate and thank for your co-operations (watching, antenna, thank you, co-operation)
- The Al Queda Network (Qaeda)
- hightened alert (heightened)
- meteorlogical data chart (meteorological)
- Adrain (Adrian)
- general enquires (enquiries)
- Excellance in Service (Excellence) [Ed: Apparently not excellance (sic) in spelling, though]
- [In the QM office] Pls Speak Only In English
- Your help will be greatly appreaciates (appreciated)
- Handling and taking over of laboartory samples (Handing, laboratory)
- miscellous (miscellaneous)
- [On a whiteboard in the Treatment Room] Quote of the day:
13/01/03
The unexamined life is not worth living - Socrates
Life w/o sex is not worth living - ALLAN TAN
- [Seen on noticeboard] Duli Yang Maha Mulia Seri Paduka Baginda Yang Di Pertuan Tun Tan Sri Datuk Utama Seri [someone's initials]
- biscult (biscuit)
- camo scalf (scarf)
- helmat camouflage (helmet)
- [Safety poster] Safety is everyday. It doesn't have a holiday (???)
- nuetral umpire (neutral)
- indudes 2 1/2 years NSF liabiliy (includes)
- screening roaster (roster)
- Armuor HQ (Armour)
- Safety habits need to be grilled (???)
- danger could strikes anytime (strike)
- joined winners (joint)
- Hotel Pheonix (Phoenix)
- Care For Soldier (Soldiers)
- Warren Officers (Warrant)
- [Christmas Card] Merry Xams & a Happy New Year (Xmas)
- endorse statue (status)
- Braised pork chop in haninanese sauce (hainanese)
- Black Shoe Polish is not available for sale temporally because of quality problem (temporarily, problems)
- All personnel are reminded to consume porridge for breakfast on Saturday in collaboration to Total Defense Day (commemoration of)
- carapina (carabina)
- [Sign on a laundrette door] Anyone who wanna use the laundrate room please seek permission from the COS or CSM (wants to use the laundrette) (Ed: Damnit, it's written on the door above this stupid sign!]
- Servicemen who are caught with contraband items will be summary trailed (summarily trialed)
- [Cookhouse sign] Lakiun exotic soup
- authourised personnel only (authorised)
- The hands of time can never be turned. What's done cannot be undone. Regrets should not be part of a soldiers' life. Follow safety regulations (soldier's) (???)
- Do not disturb us during lunchtime or after working hours!!!! Do not knock/open the doors during these hours! Unlike you, we need rest! Thank you!
- Negligence and carelessness on your part does not constitute urgency on my part (oblige)
- [On a car clamping sign] Penalty: Releasing fee

--- Signs

 

- Just hang yourself around here (around)
- Platoon 3, on your berets - up! (put on)

--- NCC cadets

 

- [On someone: I think he cannot curse for one day] Mei2 you3 lei1. April 2nd wo3 mei2 you3 curse... April 2nd my birthday (Translation: That's not true. I didn't curse on April 2nd because it was my birthday)
- [On the cookhouse food] Sucks right. That's why you got see me go cookhouse or not? (don't see me going to the cookhouse)
- [On the cookhouse food] At first, I liked the food... Maybe it's (Ed: the food) different for permstaff... After a while, sian... Curry every day.
- [On Lakiun] You'll see people backstabbing each other. All nothing to do (They all have)
- [On us] Kan4 ni3 men2 na4 me4 slack, wo3 na2 li3 ke2 yi3 su1 gei2 ni3 men2? [Translation: Seeing how slack you are, I can't possibly lose out to you in slacking!)
- SAF stands for "Stupid Armed Forces".
- [Me on not playing Monopoly with the others: So sad, I'm ostracised] Because you're RJ, you're too intelligent. They're scared you'll plot against them.
- Zero times one explain'nation (Zero one times explanation)
- [On doing area cleaning] You're not from Philippines, you're from Singapore. Don't let people treat you like a servant. (the Philippines)
- [On doing area cleaning] See? You sweat. You sweat already, I feel guilty. I do DM I don't ask people work one, because I also don't work. (When you sweat, When I'm the DM [Ed: Duty Medic], to work)

--- Lakiun Permstaff