JC Classmates
Computer Studies Teacher
Geography Teacher
Another Geography Teacher
Biology Teacher
Maths Teacher
Physics Teacher
Another Physics Teacher


- [To an irritating student] Shut up little potato. You are interrupting my lesson.
- All of the holy men went to God for lessons. When they came back and were asked what was the most important day of the year, they said : My birthday because they forgot which day it was.
- The aura of a tree turns fron green to red when it sees a man with an axe coming
- You must sleep in a North-South direction to harmonise with the Earth's magnetic field
- What's the most important subject? [Class: Physhigs] English.
- All of you... English very good... Physics very bad.
- [To Andrew Gan on his 1/2 hr public phone conversation with me] Working for Singtel ah? Can talk so long on the phone.

--- A Physics Teacher

 


- speet up the reaction (speed)
- If you write two gases and one is right and one is correct, we don't give you the mark (wrong)
- The last page is the pee'rar'dic table (periodic)

--- Chemistry Teacher from another class going through Prelim papers

 


-I'm denouncing my PR next year (renouncing my Permanent Resident status)
- [After feeling my legs] Your legs are smoother than my girlfriend's. [Me: What were you doing feeling your girlfriend's legs?]
- [On 4M] All the rascals choose the same combination
- [On how he identified 'Jiggle'] She looks jiggly.

--- Danny

 

- [On Warrant Officers] They've had their fill of tekaning people

--- Zhongyong

 

- [I won't fail my test,] I know about that Ripley guy (his name was Ridley)

--- Yong Lin


- Every muslim is an Islam
- [Asking a question of a Maths teacher] Can we plot some graphs to eat ourselves to explain (aid)
- She met this American anthropologist who met her
- [On the most boring teacher in the Physics Department] I've never seen her smile.
- [Teacher:What's i to the power of i?] His country's top secret [Points at a China scholar]
- [On 8 year old girl] Her voice hasn't changed since Primary School.

- I'm so hot. I mean so cold.
- [When Qingru tried to wake him during class] Ai, let me sleep.
- [ On a Hong Kong politician who denied his visit to a brothel and said that he believed in Jesus Christ and accusing him would be insulting his wife, and then was shown the photos] He should just admit it, and not bring in his wife and Jesus.
- [On the form teacher] She pretends to be strict but actually she is very slack.

- [On the performance times of a musical] Saturday is martini (matinee)
- Traditionally, it is not accepted because of tradition

- [Teacher: You are all 'A' students] Yeah right, I got an 'E'.
- I must be able to discernd what is important and what is relevant (discern)
- Then, to impress your marker... [Teacher: Not impressive. 1 - root x is not always positive [so you can't remove the modulus in ln|1 - root x | ]
- [On why he was late] I met this cab driver, he's been to Taiwan before, so we started talking about Taiwan... then he took the wrong route, went north
- [On the most experienced teacher's S Paper class on Gravitation] She was doing all those classic questions. 1969, the year Man went to the Moon.

- [On why the food in girls' schools is good] If the food sucks, the girls won't eat it
- [On RGS Girls] Happy also cry, sad also cry
- [On the male teachers in RGS] They pick up all the feminine qualities the RGS girls throw away
- [On 'Foreign Blood'] I think she looks exotic
- I visited your homepage last Friday... I like the L** C**** T** quotes. They're really funny.
- You only started doing the 'th' thing after you came back from London.
- I swing between thinking the things you do are very stupid or really funny.
- The point that Arab Unity is mere rer'tor'ric (rhetoric)
- [On what to do if her legs are cold] They're not cold. I'll figure it out when they get cold.
- [On Fierce Girl] She's not fierce
- [On dresses] You can't stand, you can't sit, you can't walk
- [On my Sec 1 RI Student Card {the one with the Rafflesian Principle of Honour}] You still look like that

- [Explaining girls' propensity to go on toilet outings] They go toilet and smell shit together
- [Referring to jumping about as one nears the enemy in Counterstrike] At least that's part of the Malay skills (Melee) (parang, silat uniform)
- I think I should kill myself before I'm 40. I don't want to grow old. [Someone else : Don't do that, don't dirty the knife]
- [To his mortal] If you're popular, which you should be, or if you're pretty, which you should be, go and join council.
- What kind of run is fun?
- There's nothing lice fair about Lee Kuan Yewism (laissez faire)
- Nobody in our class asked for autograph books, because everyone in our class is relatively masculine
- I have a very low respect for RGS girls now
- [On Yingying] Na4 zhang1 lian3. Wo3 kan4 le4, wo3 yao4 da3 [The face I feel like punching when I see it]
- [On why good schools are co-ed] Because when guys reach puberty they become horny

- [Teacher: What is Market Failure?] Market failure is the failure of the market
- We are at Question D (Question 13 option D)
- Holocast (Holocaust)
- [On the role of a father] They teach them important things like cycling
- The Queen [of England] is fat what
- [Sees picture of man crushed under a truck, with the wheel on his neck] He died, is it?
- [On why there's still segregation base d on gender during mealtimes after a year together] They think we're ugly and we think they're ugly. That's why we don't mix.
- [Teacher: Qingru, are you followin g us, or have you fallen asleep already?] Not yet.
- [On the dying of Chinese dialects in Singapore] Ma'am, still got the Ah Bengs what.
- You were from choir meh? No wonder you laugh in a high pitch.

- Turn based real time strategy
- [On his Physics practical] I knew choosing Chin Yung's values was the right thing to do.
- All I learned about Russia I learned from Red Alert 2.
- It's one of those ee'ray'tional things (irrational)
- [On choosing a mortal] I want this one. She's got 2 names.
- I used to think that any book with Dragons couldn't be bad. Then I read Anne McCaffrey.
- fut'ell (futile)
- I'll buy a palm to play the games on it.
- Do you know why I like econs so much? The maths is so easy.
- I'll give my mortal the Alpha Centauri disc, then we'll go and play.
- Apple woman is intrinsically funny.
- He's talking about the views right (veils)
- [On customs caring only if you bring porn] They're trying to protect the porn industry from piracy.
- He takes F Maths, Physics, Econs and one more thing.
- Is there a secret passage from LT1 to the science labs?
- RJC has no real bengs, only posers
- The inflation in hell is very bad... one billion dollar notes [hell money]
- giving a student in death training (depth)
- managers and COEs (CEOs)
- [On Avogadro's Constant being misspelled as Avogardo's Constant ] Avogardo is a fruit (The fruit is actually 'Avocardo']
- Phrozen Crew is [a] piece of shit
- [On sushi bars] Eat wasabe. I take the bread, then I spread.
- Most of our GP periods consist of irritating our GP teacher.
- In Chinese High I knew everyone's Chinese names.
- Elminister (Elminster)
- [On Yaoi] Sometimes, porn without plot is good. [There's] No need to think so much.
- [On Jiggle] She's not jiggling
- [On Houdini] How, escape from A Levels?
- Why are you looking at ugly girls? Guys usually do the opposite, it's very sick
- [On Marche's sausages] Ooo, dream come true, all contain pork
- I'll start from the scratch (scratch)
- [On the Palestinians] Why is it all these Muslim countries have all the suicide bombers?... It's like their special weapon or something.
- [On mp3.com] I wonder if they have amateur artists. [Me: Type in amateur] Then you get porn.
- [Me: The food here is worse than the Tekong cookhouse] How can that be?
- [On SMM] Do you sleep in hammocks?
- [On why his unit has so many high ranking people] It's a retirement village
- 800 640? custom screen res? hardcore! (icq msg)

- [Referring to the 2001 batch of J1s] All of them are very ugly
- Israel is a Judaism country. (Jewish)
- Ah'rahb (Arab)
- They had a coop (coup)
- [Teacher to student at the door: Why is your hair so brown?] Because his brother's hair is brown.
- [On the GP teacher's writing out students' points on a mindmap on the board] She's like Vanna White like that.
- the later (latter)
- in'dust'ry (industry)

- Santa Cruz mascra (massacre)
- they go around on a killing ramprage (rampage)
- here are the soundbytes said by some people (here are some soundbytes)
- they flid during the killing by the military (fled)
- [On a bird] Is it old or is it pregnant?

- [Me: Who's in there] The 4 Immortals (referring to 4 of the school servants)
- I like MSG. I eat it for breakfast.
- I always root for the bad guy [on TV shows]
- [Changge to Xiaoshi] Eh, go and get a boyfriend. Then I'll deem you as normal. (normal)
- [On a worm] Look! This is so cute.
- I've seen the J1 girls. Ooo, they're babes.
- [To me] Has anyone ever told you you're crazy?

- Is that Act Cute? [Me: yah, yah!] She looks like a Chipmunk... but she's quite cute
- [On the other Paper 7 Lecturer] He looks like Santa Claus
- Bras very expensive, you know
- [On 'Another Paper 7 Lecturer'] You're actually listening to him? I feel like sleeping
- [On African smiling at her on coming out of the toilet and vice-versa] I can recognise her, she can recognise me. That's how girls make friends.
- You know, I know 3 Gabriels, and all of them have something wrong with them, including you.
- [On Jiggle] Juggle or Jiggle, whatever
- Yah, that Red Jacket. Go for him ah!
- I watched this document (documentary)
- [At 2001 UN seminar] Eh, chio bu.
- it mince (means)
- Asia-Pearcific (Pacific)
- Istern and Sowden Africa (Eastern, Southern)

- Is your curve a straight line? (graph)
- [On why he likes ice kachang] I like the artificial colouring.
- [Chinx: I need to get something for my buddy] Guy or girl? [Chinx: Girl] Give her the most precious gift of all, your virginity
- [Me: Do you think YY is a hot lian?] Can you not insult 'hot lian'?... Lian must be quite chio.
- [On African] Why [do] you call her 'African'? She's very white.

- [Referring to the Talented Mr Ripley] Talented Mr Gay
- [On 'Horse'] She's not a horse, she's a cow
- Economists are evil... Malcolm Frost, with the ice gun... Sloman, he slows people down... Lord Keynes, he lives in a castle
- [On compulsive phototaking disorder after farewell assembly] take a picture of the cleaning lady
- [On Prom Night] The ugly girls were uglier

- Cuttlefish? I thought you said it was sotong ball. (They're the same)
- Core'rea (Korea)
- tair'tics (tactics)
- examples are like (some examples are)

- [On the Joy Luck Club] I recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand women.
- [To me before GP Common Test 2001 #2] Can you give me your brain?
- I was bored enough to visit your page during the hols, it's very funny.

--- (JC) Classmates

 

 

- Although nothing interesting happened, I thoroughly enjoyed myself

--- Student Composition

 


- no'vell (novel)
- priss (priest)
- the tax is lar'vid (levied)
- they are smow'thered (smothered)

- [On Triplet] Call her prison warden... Prisoner. Prisoners wear that [stripes].

--- Cai Yixiang

 


- high death talls (tolls)
- It boys down to one thing (boils)
- I'm afrait that if there is a test... (afraid)
- Ritter scale (Richter)
- when the ice edge left (age)
- [On river flow] Where is the fastest verocity? (velocity)
- You can see the parries (praries)
- the Nigara Falls (Niagara)
- Kinabaru (Kinabalu as in Kota Kinabalu)
- Yen please. (Ian)
- describe the appearant (appearance)
- The soy is more fertile (soil)
- I'm boring this (borrowing)
- What is the caring capacity of the earth? (carrying)
- those who are serving (surfing)
- I have a piece of this piece of paper
- there are lots of information (is a lot)
- Hong Xi (Hon)
- There are too many mouths to feet (feed)
- Boneo (Borneo)
- ant why? (and)
- They spoy it (spoil)
- They prattis this (practise)
- In West Iran, culture is different (Irian)
- this defers (differs)
- those vunerable years ahead (vulnerable)
- second think (thing)
- This essercise is different (exercise)
- I have the oppour'tunity (opportunity)
- The pleasantation was good (presentation)
- when you're sikh (sick)
- The beds have bards (bugs)
- they have fire hazart (are a fire hazard)
- estend it to the outer islands (extend)
- and then't (then)
- in his teary (theory)
- Each nucleus add as a growth point (acts)
- if you are keeng / kiing (keen)
- the igneous rock milk (melts)
- Everybody's a weakness (witness)
- migrants growing into the city (going)
- the cars are more reckless (car drivers?)
- the covernment (government)
- pop'holes (potholes)
- they crog up the drain (clog)
- that means extra water to wash
- because of the oy (oil)
- you can't sleep down (slip)
- You can grow toe'mair'toe (tomatoes)
- no peticide is being used (pesticides are)
- courtivated vegetables (cultivated)
- it heats here (hits)
- cynificant areas (significant)
- avilibility of family planning (availability)
- any more questions about the question?
- The traditional role of women as child barrier (bearers)
- 2 + 4, you have 7 already (6)
- Why is the yeel low? (yield)
- improvement mate in technology (made)
- soil conservation matted (method)
- don't have the idea that mangroves are all mutt (mud)
- The mangrove swamp is anaerobic (an anaerobic environment)
- They bring it to a kurn (kiln)
- All the subjects are complaining about you (subject teachers)
- The magma rises through cracks and fishes in the rock (fissures)
- The plate sarducts (subducts)
- fast'ten your pace (fasten - quicken is the proper word, though)
- lack of fun (funds)
- the odd monsoon period (off)
- You use continentalty to expalin it (continentality)
- the Anazon rainforest (Amazon)
- It's a very corn'troversial issue (controversial)
- These are leaked to what you are going to do in your exam (linked)
- try to dil with the problem (deal)
- explosed at low tide (exposed)
- Is there a cos? (cost)
- trair'tapults (tetrapods)
- the river es'cher'ry (estuary)
- the Tasmian sea (Tasmanian)
- There's the tard road (tarred)
- The cold air has reason over the warm air (risen)
- When the cold air meets the warm front (front)
- The rest of the country is developing, except for developing countries
- ecologically less developed countries (economically)

--- A Geography Teacher

 

 

- [On an area] It's very cynic (scenic)
- You have to wait there to firm (film)
- You are azzembling (assembling)
- I dead this (did)
- [On a Biology Practical] Question 1 was a foot test (food)
- Pupils should learn by hard (heart)

--- A Biology Teacher

 

 

- You thry to find the mathrix (try, matrix)
- [On community service] The old forks are eternally grateful (folks)
- the turd alternative is... (third)
- [Going through exam papers] Question 8, no problem. The problem is this.
- [On E Maths] 'E' is for 'Easy'

- [Right before literally throwing Chin out of class] You ruined our Learning Centre. The Learning Centre eez a mess! (is)
- Guys! Eeetz not funny! (It's)
- [To Shawn and Andrew Ong] I know why you all want to sit together - so you all can commit crimes together!
- [On 4L] You killed the cactus. You know why the cactus died? Because this class is too cold.
- [On 4L (?)] I am going to give you… the cold shoulder.

--- A Maths Teacher. (Last 5 courtesy of Just Eat Me)

 

- I like cows
- Cows eat chocolate, so they produce chocolate milk
- Don't you dare insult cows
- This is the first time I have stepped on my own skirt

--- Another Geography Teacher (All these quotes were taken from the noticeboard of a neighbouring class)

 


- I am Mishter Kuang (mister)
- Shorry to... you...... (sorry)
- [Introducing himself during subject briefing] I can be a nice'sh guy, I can also be a... bhash'turd. Ah. (nice. bastard)
- [On a swinging contraption demonstrating centripetal force he's brought to class] You be careful ah. If it flies off and hits the window... Ah.....
- I'm very... pissshh'ed off (pissed)
- Ogei? Ogei. Ah (Okay)
- [When stumped] I'm fory. I'm not an ex'sh'purt in dish feel. If you want t' noe more, you can go to the libry, check your tack'shbook or shurf the ih'ernet for more information (Sorry. Expert. This. To. Know. Library. Textbook. Surf. Internet.)
- This is very imporr'ant (important)
- Phee'sheeks (Physics)
- Good morning classsssssssssssss (class)
- Pairrerarerogram Raw (Parallelogram Law)
- The car is ack'share'rer'rating at X mi'err per schecan schquare (accelerating. metre. second. square)
- If you study this, it will be bear'er for you. (better)
- The molecules collide more orphan (often)
- I would shay... no. (say)
- I would shay fiefh'ty fiefh'ty (50/50)
- I doe no? (don't know)
- Don't try to be funny with me ah!
- Pleashe ah (please)
- Pleaze ah (please)
- 0 kelvin is -273 degrees celshius (celsius)
- ashoshiated (associated)
- Johles (joules)
- vah'perisation (vapourisation)
- compu'er (computer)
- Queshions? (questions)
- Thish ish north and thish ish shouth. Ish thish yeasth? Or ish thish yeasth? Or ish thish yeasth? (This, is, south, east)
- Physhigs is a very impor'rant shubjehct (Physics, important subject)


Riddle: What does this teacher say when he's hot?

The F word. Why? I'm swearring (sweating)

What he might say: Hand up your homework tomoarr (tomorrow)

--- Another Physics Teacher

 

 

- solu'shyawn (solution)
- cap'shyawn (caption)
- informay'shyawn (information)

--- A Computer Studies Teacher

 

- All of you can't come up with more answers? I want more! I want more! I want more!
- Having a relationship is not about: I want sex! I want sex! I want sex!
- My friend is called 'Mazit'
- The reaction of Sulphur Trioxide with water is very violent, so we dissolve it in Concentrated Sulphuric Acid... [to get Oleum which is diluted with water to get Concentrated Sulphuric Acid] [Student: Then how do they get the Concentrated Sulphuric Acid in the first place?] They dissolve the sulphur trioxide in water, explode, then everyone die [then they make Oleum]

--- Chemistry Teacher

 

- [On conduct] Very good means okay, good means not so good, fair is lousy

--- A Maths Teacher