Introduction, disclaimer, Pronunciation Key, credits and notes

 

1) Miscellaneous Quotes (Current Page)
2) Contributors' Section
3) During Choir
4) In Class
5) Common Mistakes, Oral Candidates and the Written Word
6) In School
7) Lecturers - During Lectures and In Class
8) Lecturers - Apple Woman
9) History 7 Lecturers - During Lectures and In Class
10) History 6 Lecturers - During Lectures and In Class

11) Economics Lecturers - During Lectures and In Class
12) Physics Lecturers - During Lectures and In Class
13) Talks, Seminars and Such

14) National Slavery
15) Obedience School (BMT)
16) Medic School (SMM)

17) NUS (Semester 1, 2004/2005)
18) NUS (Semester 2, 2004/2005)
19) NUS (Semester 1, 2005/2006)
20) Utrecht (Semester 2, 2005/2006)
21) NUS (Semester 1, 2006/2007)
22) NUS (Semester 2, 2006/2007)

 

Top contributors:

History 7 Lecturer
History 6 Lecturer
Apple Woman


The quotes you will see on this site have all been collected by me, excepting those in the aptly named Contributors' section, and some contributions which have been placed under their source  (ie the person who uttered the quotes) instead of the aforementioned section, for organisational expediency.

 

Quick Access:
Air Hostesses/Stewards
Anonymous
IPS people (mostly interns from NUS)
Me
PE Teachers
Radio
Twins

 

The list is started off with gaffes from - me! Naturally, I must set an example if I want to quote others, no?

- How long ago was the 14th of March?
- Tim has gotten a size 72 processor
- That was the thing I was talking to (about)
- Drizzard (Drizzt)
- [Referring to  this very page] I think I shall erase some quotes (remove)
- [Duh statement] If you put it in a different place, it changes position (meaning)
- Victoria is such a wore (whore)
- Abi Dalzim's Horrid Writing (Wilting - AD D Spell)
- [Truism] I think its every girl's fantasy to get married
- [Someone: What do you do when the green man is flashing?] Run faster.
- She's my teacher, but she's not my teacher.
- Is she still so tall?
- This stupid girl, what was she doing? Falling down from the chair. (getting onto the chair and falling off it)
- I don't have a problem with people being fat.
- Pick out the ants [in the water]... extra protein.
- The Double Maths people will go around chanting, "F Maths... F Maths..." then all the Single Maths people will swoon.
- [On hearing the NWC version of the China National Anthem] Is this by Melvin Tay [Timothy's Friend]
- [Tim: Maybe I should live up to my name] Timothy?
- I'm damn hot. (Quoted at the behest of Andrew Gan)
- Tar'der (Tudor)
- no need bag (I don't need a bag)
- I feel like tugging a ponytail [Xiaoshi turns round with a shocked expression]
- [Friend on the ground around us being pelted with little green fruit: It's the time of the day when...] The malay boys start throwing the fruit?
- lashback (backlash)
- Me on 8 year old: What's wrong with being an 8 year old? [Yixiang: Not when you're actually 17]
- [Asking after Aaron Maniam] Has he shaved his moustache yet?
- [On writing on theories for S Economics] What if our examiner doesn't read "What's New In Economics"?
- hithero (hitherto)
- [On busking and performing skills] All Council can do is dance, and they're not very good at it either.
- 8 year old cut their hair (her)
- Elvenbead Firehair (Elvenhair Firebead)
- [On Wang Zhen] Is she in Flesh Parade? [Chin Yung: She has no flesh, so she can't parade, but she's quite good]
- Do we worship the same God as Allah? (Muslims)
- [On the S Economics Lecturers' example of innovation leading to ready salted crisps instead of those with bags of salt] What was that, 50 years ago?
- The rifle butt is very very heavy (My section mates found this hilarious for some reason, presumably because of my "ang moh" english)
- [In Secondary School] Satanic music! [Someone: It's a Christian group.]
- CAP is an excuse for socialisation
- [On going for first parade 10 mins early] It appears that we've been conned. (My SMM platoon found this very funny for some reason)
- Hush! (My SMM platoon found this very funny for some reason)
- [On Steven] If he's She Man who are the Masters of the Universe?
- The first time we got knocked it down (down)
- but will the office be there? (open)
- [On someone who's seemingly been hyped terribly beyond the honour due to her as a published poet] What's so great about her? All she did was write a stupid book called, 'Katong and Other Poems'
- [Unwitting pun on the RJ bear] Can I bear one?
- [Me on adventures with rubbish at NDP 2002] I feel soiled. I'll never be clean again.
- faxi'mile (facsimile)
- She hasn't talken to him since April (talked)
- There are various interval musics (various pieces of, music)
- [On why Geraldine is a good match for Yechao] You're both short, you're both scrawny and you both have a bad sense of humour
- You never saw him before (You've, seen)
- [Me on Long John Silvers] Ring the bell and get a 5 cent discount. [Lady at counter: Sorry, excuse me?]
- In my SMM platoon, 6 out of 8 of the Malays walked aound in bunk naked. [Someone: How naked?] Totally naked. [Someone: That is so ironic. To think their woman counterparts...]
- [On the Anglo-Chinese School Song] It's like a nursery rhyme... In days of yore oldham came and set up a farm or something.
- [On a retreat] People went there to get healed. I got injured.
- Derrick requests the pleasure of your presence in Room 4 [People start laughing]
- [On a sideshow at a department BBQ at East Coast] When the sun goes down, they'll go where the sun don't shine.
- You should aspire to be a spec [Specialist]. Then you can do important things like conducting warmups.
- [On winning the Best Unit Competition and the Armour Road Relay] Even if you're a regular: You rely on this sort of thing to give you meaning in life...
- [On a survey] 'I feel appreciated by my employer.' No.
- [On a survey] 'I feel appreciated by society.' Do we get money from the Courage Fund? No.
- [Someone from NJC: You actually went for your school prom?] Unlike your school, my school does not hold its prom in the school hall.
- [Fellow medic: Where is the coastal margin?] Let me see... Costal margin. 'Coastal' is by the sea
- Regimentation and discipline is extremely useful as a form of employment for CSMs and RSMs (with apologies to Galbraith)
- [On being tortured] My new motto is - bo chap.
- [On answering the phone] Hello, MO Room 4. (3)
- [Someone: You look sick.] I'm sick of 42.
- [Someone on a phone query: So how did you deal with the matter?] I made her giggle and put down.
- [Camp mate to me: I don't think you've ever commented on someone who's not lian] That's because if they're not lian they don't warrant comment
- Food tastes better when you eat it with your left hand
- I am sealed to secrecy (sworn)
- [Me to someone on Exericse Minotaur] I'll get you a pickled olive
- [On Thebes] Yay, they pronounced the name of their OG properly
- [Quanxing: I thought when girls see [a] brownie, they [go]: "[High, ditzy voice] Brownie! Brownie!"] When Quanxing sees Whiskey, he [goes]: *mimes drinking something, puking and collapsing face down, arms outstretched*
- When did you see the thesises? (theses)
- You can pretend to be straight, but you can't pretend not to be black. Unless you're Michael Jackson. (Quoted on request)
- poyg'nant (poignant)
- grafiti (written) (graffiti)
- Intelligent Design is the bastard stepson of Creation Science
- [Lecturer on game theory: There are many retaliation strategies] [Me:] Industrial sabotage.
- [Professor: What other primates do we have {in Singapore}? They're annoying. People feed them.] Children]
- [Me on Screwed Up Girl] Girls making fun of a girl liking pink - what does that tell you?
- Jack's Lair'ment (Lament)
- [Lecturer on an economic model: For convenience, Williamson sets it to 0.] For convenience, let's do away with the maths.
- [Someone: ECA points are useless... My friend has 100 ECA points...] You know Dean's Listers get 8 ECA points? [Someone: President of Econs Soc only gets 10 ECA points. I switch with you lah.] It's easier to become President of the Econs Society than to be a Dean's lister.
- [Tutor: If you got an A/A+, it means your grade is actually the higher, but could fall below if the (bell) curve is applied] [Someone: Hah! So be happy you're an A+ through and through] Hah...A+/Perfect.
- [On Santo Nino dressed as a police officer:] So much for 'The Prince Of Peace'
- [Utrecht student: You want to know how many prisoners were let out during the weekend in Chile? 411.] Prisoners let out during the weekend? Sounds like me during conscription.
- verbertim (verbatim)
- [Student: Someone went to steal the Mac mouse] Who would want to steal a Mac mouse? There's only one button!
- Going to Bangkok with girls is a recipe for disaster unless you like to shop.
- I'm a Year 3. I should be hiding in a hole somewhere.
- [Student in HDB policy role play: I'm a 19 year old Roman Catholic Single Mother...] I'm a 35 year old feminist.] [Students: *hoot*] And I think it's disgraceful that you let a man impregnate you and run off.
- [Student: What're you majoring in?] Economics. Sorry, Applied Maths.
- [Student: You look very formal today.] It's the Theory of Relativity.
- [Student: Critical Theory is a Marxist notion.] That's because other people have better things to do.
- [Student on 'supermen': Girls, is it?] Yeah. Guys have more sense than that.
- If you ban slash, all the teenage girls will kill you. [Student: That'd be nice.]
- [Indian student: If you do anything against me I'll call you racist.] You might as well call me misogynistic at the same time.
- [Student on me turning around: Shit.] See? This is why you shouldn't wear female footwear. You can't sneak up on people.
- [Lecturer: Today's lecture deals with a somewhat empirircally oriented theoretical subject. What does that mean?] *Sotto voce* It means usually econs is useless. Here it's useful.
- [On Jensen's Inequalty] I'm in Applied Maths, not Pure Maths.
- [On Semoga Bahagia and Propaganda] I sang this song for 6 years in Primary School and I never knew what it meant
- [Student: Do you think the longer your name is the more zai {brilliant} you are?] No. The PRC scholars are all 2-syllables. (all have 2-syllable names)
- I think more gays have hit on me than women. [Student: Sadly, I think that's the case for me too]
- Being gay and being into trannies is not the same thing. [Student: You mean you're into trannies?]
- [On taking pictures in a Las Vegas casino] This is where the pursuit of excellence gets you - trouble
- [Students singing: There's something sweet, and almost kind. But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined] Why are you on a Beauty and the Beast roll today? [To someone] Let's beat them up... then we'll be beasts. [Student: There's no logic behind certain actions.] Especially female actions.
- You're counselling someone else ah? [Student: Yah, my gay friend.] Ask him to turn straight. Ask him to turn straight, ask me to turn gay.
- [On gendered objects transcending function] Cufflinks. I can't think of a more useless, redundant item symbolising bourgeois values.
- [Female Student 1 to 2: Don't need to be so nice to guys. Must play hard to get. [Female Student 2: What the hell.] [Male student: So many guys have tried to get you?] If you want to play hard to get, people must want to get you. [Female Student 1: That's a good point, Gabriel. I shall meditate on that.]
- [Female student: Stop caressing your hair]... You want me to flip [it]? *flip* [Female student: Oh no.]
- [On having a fulfilling university experience] He spent a lot of USP's money, so USP rewarded him by giving him even more money.
- 'The softest thing in the universe can overcome the hardest thing in the universe'. That's one of those Chinese things that sounds good but doesn't mean anything. [Student: That's because you don't understand {it}] So what does it mean? [Student: You have to ask Lao Tzu].
- [On the ethnic past in Singapore] It's not anchored here. [Instructor: Go one step further.] It's anchored elsewhere?
- What are some of the dangers of using a cheap pair of sunglasses? People will know. [Student: What the fuck.]

--- Me

 

- What is a fox pass? (faux pas - irony of ironies)
- [To my sister] I think I know more about Classical Music than your brother (this person thought that Movements 2 and 3 of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik were different songs)
- [On my RGS yearbook scanning project] What, you always wanted to be an RGS girl?
- [On the word 'Please'] Is it really so hard to say the 5 letter word? (6)
- [On Camina Burana] What rubbish is this?... [Sister: Only one of the most famous operatic works.]
- [On the iMac 2] It's very phallic you know. Like a breast.
- [On SMM] Your camp sounds really bad.
- [On his reservist briefing] The minute I put on No 4 I felt my brains dissolve and an overwhelming desire to sleep. (sms)
- [On a Friji fresh thick chocolate flavoured milkshake] This tastes really vile... give me some more
- [On the National Trust ice cream] Too bad Battle Abbey is English Heritage, or we can try another ice cream.
- [On Troy] I think most people wouldn't pay $8.50 to see Diane Kruger, let alone launch a thousand ships
- If you all are truly elite... If only one student wants a class, I will open a class. If all 500 students want one class, I will open 10 classes for you. Oxford and Cambridge, they so bloody elite, they have one-on-one tutorial. Can you imagine that?
- I thought NUS halls are more like prisons
- [On Dude, Where's My Car vs Monty Python] It just sounds more intelligent with a British accent
- [On drinking Root Beer, which he hates] Let me try a bit. See whether they changed the formula.
- [On NUS's no alcohol rule] You look at it this way. All of the great breakthroughs: a lot of them come over drinks. Or people sitting around and talking. This is why NUS cannot make it... There's no buzz
- [On NUS being on a hill] Maybe that's why they have a no alcohol rule: so drunk people don't roll down
- [On my sociological observation of dancers] Please lah, the way you talk: like they're some species
- Is this what my tax dollars are going to? CampBabe 2004? I want to protest!
- [On 'the ridge - A NUSSU publication'] This is such a crap newspaper. I only need to read a few pages and I know it's a crap newspaper.
- [To me] Maybe I should do a photojournal. The pleasures of your body.
- 80% of NSF officers have this dao look, and they all have this sort of girlfriends. Otherwise people think they're gay... Trophy girlfriends. Not very smart one... All look very young.
- Rayzon dad (Raison d'etre)
- All that modelling for what? You can't model the world. There are certain parts of economics where math is essential. [Me: Financial] Financial. Other than that it's useless. All that math hasn't solved anything in the world.
- That's the trick to being a PhD student or admin officer - yes/ no question, say in 10 pages. In the end don't even reply [yes/no] (reply)
- The greatest Indians are the ones who don't talk... So that when they speak, it's words of wisdom.

--- Brother-in-law

 

- [On her Primary School Days] Those were the days when I used to listen to Pop Music.
- "styudent", note the pronunciation (pronouncing it as "stoo'dent" is corrent too)
- [To my mother] I always skipped school, I just never told you.
- You should quote Francis Fukuyama, because he's an idiot
- [On my playing Baldur's Gate II, Throne of Bhaal after the A Levels] I haven't seen you play for the longest time... This is the game where I could never figure out what you were doing
- [On the RJ girls she saw as we were driving in on A level results day] Wah lau, look at those girls... Like convent girls
- [On finishing 1 pitcher of iced tea in half a day, before leaving for camp] Just think of it as a water parade.
- [On her mother in law] Cai Ma Ma's your biggest fan.
- Anyway, if you want your mother to stop nagging, you should go and date Peggy Pao.
- [On the above] She looks very lian now.
- We don't just visit houses and gardens. We only go to houses which have an interesting history, or have someone connected to them, or a cat.
- Bloody aristocrats. The French did the right thing by chopping all their heads off.
- Maybe you should do your thesis on the sociology of Power Rangers
- Whenever I see someone wearing the RJ uniform, I want to go up to them and ask them: 'Do you know who fought for your right to wear that uniform?'
- Decant the garlic bread into the bowl (Put)
- [On the Amish] I would actually like to see some more freaky people
- [On NUS during the holidays] It's like you walk down the street, it's like bloody Bei Da [Ed: Beijing University]

--- Sister

 

- [To me] The Pioneer magazine will do a feature on you - the mad serviceman who brings soft toys to the army
- [On my scribbling on my weekly piece of paper] This is like the Islamic writing in the Koran

--- Mother

 

- condom'minium (condominium)

- Make this a better world for our chiu'ren and our chiu'ren's chiu'ren (children)
- as our hate of state (head)
- even when you deferred from them (differed)
- the midia reports (media)
- against the ords (odds)
- overclame many obstacles (overcame)
- this roo is ceremonial (role)
- dignity, graze and sensibility (grace)
- our hard earned past reserves (???)
- if you're lucking (lucky)
- we've gaint experience (gained)
- co-operate crosely (closely)
- I do not eat vagrant rice (fragrant)
- Goose Door (Gus Dur)
- Immigration will help grow our population (our population grow)

- pour (four)
- war'der (water)
- We must help each another (other)
- the nat broke (net)
- Even if we got last [in the competition], I'd be quite happy
- that's a true fat (fact)
- I hope you'll take that into heart (to)
- pick discharge (thick)
- The square of 4 is 2
- He's a smart idiot
- There are only two halves [to the concert]?
- instead of the stee'reotype (stereotype)
- hick hick (in a crazed voice)
- Hmm ... do you believe in god? Oh god, you do? Well thank god I don't. Goddamn you.
- lead (led) (written)
- Catholics are not Christians (said by many)
- [On my opinions on ACJC girls. The utterer claims she was thinking in Cantonese] He was saying they have small balls
- [On convent girls] They're sluts (Ed: People seem either to have unreasoning bias for or prejudice against them. They incite strong reactions.)
- The army exists as a fom of alternate emplyment to those unable to work with people with a brain and a spine (sms) (for)
- [On jailbait] You must introduce me to all these people [Me: But they won't be jailbait for much longer.] Because then they'll be legal
- [On Sarong Party Girl at the Blogger Brunch] Did she flash her tits?
- laser fairy (laissez faire)
- [Random girl:] I need to put on some weight.

- the tragedy of the particle (trajectory)

- He is turning into a new leaf (over)
- He is very sporting (the writer meant he was very good in sports)

--- Anonymous / People whose identities I forgot

 

- She doesn't hate you that much. *calls person* Okay, I was wrong. She does hate you that much.
- A lot of people think I'm your lackey.
- [Me: I'm currently wrestling with the Biharis in Bangladesh.] Is that a political statement or a homework statement? [Me: How can that be a political statement?!] Knowing you, it could be both.
- The day I start taking moral lessons from Power Rangers is the day I kill myself
- Why is lesbianism more acceptable among girls than gaiety among boys? [Caleb: why did you just commit a grammatical mistake?]
- [On a SMU graduate] You could get a retarded, autistic 10 year old child from Somalia who would be a better investment banker than him
- I'm doing a relatively me'nai'el job (menial)
- [Me: I should write a book on the Misery of the Human Condition] It's already been written. It's called the Bible.

--- The Associate aka He Who Must Not be Named aka mindgame aka nw.t.

 

- Please return to your along'cated seats (allocated) (SIA)
- for your comfort and sair'fty (safety) (The following are all from Royal Brunei)
- mouthpiss (mouthpiece)
- all you need to do is re'man seated (remain)
- please insure they remain switched off (ensure)
- place it over you head (your)
- the life jacket is in'flat'ted (inflated)
- near'wurst to your seat (nearest)
- over your mouse (mouth)
- we would like to re'mai'nt you (remind)
- this is no smoking flight (a no)
- insert the metal tape (tab)
- may we have your attention, for the recital of the trouble prayer (travel)
- we'll be passing through some tyou'bulence (turbulence)
- [Pilot on flight back from Lancer] I know you've been in the bush for very long, but guys: if you continue staring at the stewardesses, you're gonna burn holes in their kebayas.
- Your luggage is stewed / stoo'ed (stowed)
- Your laugh jacket (life)
- A sleeping bag has been left at the waiting lorh'nge. Can the honour please collect it from the cabin crew? (lounge, owner)
- Return the complete common tard to our cabin crew (comment card)
- [Airport announcement] China Easter Airlines (Eastern)

--- Air Hostesses/Stewards

 

- ven 'doors (vendors)
- party carders (cadres)
- in'dick'ted (indicted)
- Spores'watch has it all (Sportswatch)
- his position that peace talks was impossible (were)
- at the next General Elation (election)
- use their resources afficiently (efficiently)
- 'He doesn't touch a PC before' (hasn't)
- tinder (tender)
- Mr Error'fat (Arafat)
- make the jum (jump)
- sarsess (success)
- although the new generation of instant noodles claims to be healthier and more nutritional (nutritious)
- equipments (equipments)
- mair'nay'sh (manage)
- Kuo'man'ting (Kuomintang)
- human em'brai'yo (embryo)
- ten bilon dollars (billion)
- in Singapore, pratically every family own a home (owns)
- see whether they can be resolutioned (resolved)
- a good university oversea (overseas)
- comma'raderie (camaraderie)
- the scenes from New York today are really like a warzone (those from a)
- a new spot that is causing ripples in Singapore. No, it's not a waterspot (sport, watersport)
- one mi'nid left (minute)
- all you nid is a stick and a ball (need)
- a spay'te of interest rate cuts (spate)
- Afghanese (Afghans)
- now being treated for antibiotics (with)
- He was on his way to the US when he stopped over in Los Angeles (in)
- carpell tunnel syndrome (carpal)
- the most common cause has been attributed to (is)
- Ama'zern river (Amazon)
- went about his daily roo'tin (routine)
- There has been a spayte of rocket attacks in Kabul (spate)
- Hi, I'm calling from Malaysia to confirm the honeymoon suit (suite)
- rog state (rogue)
- Sleevia (Sylvia)
- [On Najaf] The town of allies and rooftops (alleys)
- Virtually every john'rer (genre)
- What if the blood bank couldn't cope with the sudden influx of blood donors? (people needing blood)
- Ayatollah Co'me'nee (Khomeini)
- Westminister Abbey (Westminster)
- care'fain (caffeine)
- the governent (government)
- There is a lot of confusion and clarification that we need to do (???)
- F Q - Food, Fun and Feel Good (cube)
- disinfected and disorganised groups of people (disaffected)
- may yo n'airs (mayonnaise)

--- Radio Programmes (Mostly from Newsradio 93.8)

 

- The breast and brightest brains (best)
- cer'riculum time (curriculum)
- Everyone should be sitted here (seated)
- I'm just wondeling (wondering)
- Hi twins

--- Vice-Chairman

 

- Was that a velded insult? (veiled)
- My ear came off (earring)
- The peace and stability of the East Asian rigin (region)
- The fishing industry is dependent on the sea and it is a major foot source for the world (food)
- They rape our leafstock (livestock)
- I wear a green skirt, he wears a white pants
- I am obsested with RGS choir (obsessed)
- It tayses nice with the fat (tastes)
- How tall is Gregry/Gregy? (Gregory)
- [Me: Artificial Snow!] Is it edible?
- Some clothes are designed for girls to show their mid'riff (midriff)
- Worst come to the worst, we can go to her house in the afternoon (Worst come to worst)
- There's a foot mall there (food) (food mall??)
- They have different idea'logy (ideology)
- Just now I rewounded the tape (rewound)
- [On a video] The commentor cannot do it - it doesn't make sense (narrator)
- It makes sense right, you either have it like Charlie Charplin (Chaplin)
- I think we're scrape'ing "Special Countries" (scrapping)
- Error'vin (Aravind)
- Let's rename it Kamal's Model UN Conference
- En'sem'ble? (Ensemble)
- You know, I don't have the guts to wear spaghetti straps
- The most memorial part of the trip was Algonquin park (memorable)
- Don't be so zi'lous with the food, ah you (zealous)
- We make it our personal goal to disagree with everything Gabriel says
- [To Me] I think you're the Councillors' worst friend
- [On the food (Chicken Rice) that Evil Cult provided us when doing AV duty for them at VEX in 2000] The typical guy, who can finish all the rice
- [When her class was walking to Ghim Moh to eat] Wait! It's very hot... Let me get my jacket first before leaving (???) (Note from the utterer: "I complaint about the weather in the 1st part of the quote. As for the next part....I bring my jacket everywhere I go...even if I don't wear it...it's just habit....")
- That's what I want to know. Why do girls like to shriek so much.
- What happened to your palmtop?
- Koh Tsin Zhen is ugly? I am uglier than Koh Tsin Zhen.
- Zhengjun is very ugly.
- I would like to learn how to hack, to crack

--- Twins

 

- Hello boys and gers (girls)
- the magic word for this afternoon is banana ice-cream

--- Magician

 


- I will spend the rest of my life honing my skills to kill someone I don't know for the sake of someone I don't even remember.

--- Part of a play parodying Chinese Swordfighting Flicks

 

- Can I clear your cutlerys? (cutlery)
- can I serve for you the w'ice? (you the rice)
- pee'ture menu (picture)
- Tempura Handraw (Handroll)
- Just booked out, Sir?
- deep fried care'mern'bout cheese (camembert)
- the minced chicken in crap (crepe)

--- Waiters

 

- I'm a happy cabby. Just call me Mr Happy Cabby.
- Pick up more many (money)
- [On Orange Julius] Next time I will open one. Apple Juice.
- [To Kairen] How you get PES C? [Me: He chao keng] [Kairen slaps me: I never chao keng ok?]

--- Cab Driver (Mr Happy Cabby)

 

- Isn't that wrong? 12 x 4 is 56

--- Friend at Tuition

 

- Are you the webmaster of "gssq"?

--- Sec 4 RI Choir Guy (in 2003)

 

- [On City Harvest] My friend told me it's a very arousing experience. It's even better than Zouk.
- Unfortunately my taste does not extend to Caucasian men, who are hairy, smelly and unattractive.

--- Various friends

 

Interesting Lines by Wedding MCs:

- [On a dish being late] Due to a technical problem, the crabs can't be killed (Thanks Timothy)
- While the dinner has just ended, the fun is just starting for the wedded couple in their rooms above

 

 

- [On running during the haze] If the bird can fly, you can run
- essercies (exercise)
- We give you the oppour'tunity (opportunity)
- It is genetically dit'termined (determined)
- We tends to increase (tend)
- break up into your tanks / tenks (tents)
- plor'blems you have (problems)
- You need others to monintor you (monitor)
- collect the information shit (sheet)
- When we went to visit him in hospital, he asked, Are we in the finals?
Yes was the only consolation I could give him.
He closed his eyes...
and had a good rest
- You esplore on your own (explore)

- [To two students who didn't bring PE attire] You cheer for this team, you cheer for that team.
- Get your heart pumping (pumping harder)
- Your sister can run faster [than that] (sexist statement)
- [On Basketball] Don't be like the girls - when they see the ball the first thing they do is bounce [it]. (Ed: Actually, the first thing they do is shriek)
- [On people who skip PE] Dingadong
- My name is Ms Poon, P-O-O-N. Just because I have a flat chest doesn't mean I'm a 'Sir'. Do you call men with big chests 'Ma'am'?
- [On my situps] Gabriel, you move as if you're having sex

--- Assorted PE teachers

 

- I think parents must be more pragmantic (pragmatic)

--- Teen Television Programme ("We Are One")

 

- [2 guys on floral printed Hot Shorts, with white flowers on a light green background]
'Do you think guys can wear these?'
'Cannot lah'

--- People in the street

 

- reminize (reminisce)

--- Chamber Ensemble Concert 2001

 

- multi-fair'keted talents (faceted)

--- RJC 20th Anniversary Busking Announcer

 

- this year's bridge run (sheares)
- [On the answer to 'How many years has the Sheares Bridge run been held'] 10 years. Very correct. (it's either correct or wrong!)
- in which year was the cheer's bridge run first held (Sheares)

--- SAFRA Sheares Bridge Run promotion announcer

 

- the judging criteria... are very intense (?)
- 8 days magazin (magazin)
- Ann Oosay (Hussein)
- Darren See'ah (Seah)
- all the judges will itch pik one contestant (each)
- I tink I'd like to listen to number 4 (think)
- wok away with these prizes (walk)
- grues (groups)
- auditious (auditions)
- the various shopping centre (centres)
- their hone videos (home)
- the next song is going out to you, especially the judges, because we love you (?)
- really gewt (good)
- what makes a sarsessful group in your opinion? (successful)
- difficurt time, but you did it really well (difficult)
- showmanship or x-factor (or the)
- Miss Ann Hoose'sane (hussein)

--- Talentime 2001 Quarter-Finals

 

- I would say it's a total 180 percent change in 5 minutes (degree)

--- Soka guy at NDP 2002 Rehearsal

 

- Would you like a carrier for you? (carrier)

--- McDonald's Cashier

 

- On my right, the preposition (proposition)
- Convenient store (convenience)
- How many reindeers do Santa Claus has? (reindeer does, have)

--- Prison People

 

- I keep forgetting that you're from NUS... you look like you're from an overseas university.
- It's such a guy thing. Useless trivia. It impresses the girls.
- [To me] Do you know about airplanes and aircraft? I assume you do. You're like a walking encyclopedia.
- [On Muslim eating] I don't care, as long as there's no pork. And if there is, don't tell me.
- A lot of male toilets have no urinals... Like in hall. Don't ask me how I know this.
- There was this movie about palm oil. [Me: Was it about deforestation?]... It had Charlie Sheen... There was one scene about the smell... Apocalypse Now.
- How many tea packets did you put? [Me: Who puts more than one?] I'm Indian.
- All the news about Russia is about energy... Is there anything other than oil in Russia? [Me: Gas.]
- I played an instrument commonly known as the la3 ba1, but actually called suo3 na4. [Me: The funeral trumpet] For wedding. (weddings)
- [On a Model United Nations Conference] Eh how are the JC girls nowadays?
- [On being hit by my ponytail] I feel violated.
- This guy is kinky. He reads porn. All of us watches porn. He reads porn. (watch)
- [To me] I was always under the impression that you had a girlfriend.
- I've been to Paris. [Me: All women want to go to Paris.] Yeah, that's true.
- Bring a Dutch girl back. [Me: Dutch girls are ugly.] Yay. [Me: But Singaporean girls are worse.] Hey! Are you saying I'm ugly?
- [Me on the rain: You're the only one without {an} umbrella ah?] She got tudung okay. Very powerful.
- [Me: Apparently you're supposed to shave your armpit and pubic hair for hygiene reasons.] That's why I adopt that principle. [Someone: Okay. Thanks for letting us know that.] You guys were talking about it what.
- [Me: Next time I want a job where you don't need to wear office attire.] Well, there's sanitation.
- What is bacon? Is it the sausage?... [To Muslim:] Bacon. What does bacon look like? [Muslim: Why you ask me? Ask him {me} lah.]
- [On taking photos] We do the SMU thing lah - jump.
- [On my taking leave] So next week only I am around to service the two of them.
- [Me: 'Did' is passive voice]... I thought you were an econs major.
- [On carbonara] Actually it's quite healthy, except for the bacon. [Me: Err. Eggs, cream...]
- [Me on Orientation: SDU will give you two thousand] For each pair?
- [On Karen Armstrong's disingenuousness] You must give her credit... Not everyone knows the facts like you.
- [On Facebook] It's a limited kind of stalking. [Me: For you to hit on girls at school.] But there are no pretty girls in NUS.
- Indulge his fattyism (fetishism)
- [Muslim:] There're seven pillars. [Me: Of?] That we've to live by. [Non-Muslim: Five.]
- [On the 7 Ms] I don't take Marijuana.
- [Me: Someone's picking you up?] Yes. [Me: Is it on a motorsikal?] We're not Malay.
- [On the JB police not caring about a gang rape] Aren't you glad separation happened?... Apart from the fact that none of us would've gotten educated.
- I think driving on the Malaysian expressway is like playing a bumper car ride. (a)
- [Me: Once you go black -] You never go back. It's so true!... That's all I'll say, it's so true... They're so hot.
- [To me] I want a provocative article, which was why I asked you to write it.
- [Indian:] Please don't do a MBA in NUS. There are so many - no offence - Indians.
- [To someone saying that girls are a distraction] You think of girls as chores and tasks and assignments. They're not essays to be written and handed up.
- I also don't like spicy food... [Me: But you grew up eating it]... Yeah weird huh. I'm Indian.
- The whole concept of a liberal arts education is to learn nothing of practical value.
- [On Commencement] This kind of occasion you get what kind of flowers? Chrysanthemums? (What kind of flowers do you get for this kind of occasion?)
- [On someone] You know - RGS girl. Cannot argue.
- I was telling *** that when we go out for lunch and have conversations, we don't consider her a girl.
- [On her friends] There are frigid girls in NUS? How come I haven't met any? [Me: Maybe because the girls you know are not Chinese.]
- I can't forsee myself doing a 9-5 job. [Me: This is a 8:30-6 job.] Oops.
- [Someone on City Harvest: Tell me about the rituals.] First they slaughtered the lamb. Then they painted its blood over the Expo.
- [On Shafy] Have you seen her hair?
- [On a nymphomaniac] I know a female friend... 'If I don't have it, I can't function.' It's like her daily fix.
- It's better doing it with a man than getting off on your own.
- [Me: You should get to know Chinese girls. Then you can have cross-racial perspectives on sexuality.] I know some Chinese girls. They don't go for Chinese guys.
- I think all girls have a fantasy about black guys.
- I think it's quite sad. Liking a guy and then discovering he's small... Of course you'll end it, but you feel bad.
- [On learning Mandarin] The biggest issue in my class was tones. 'Do you know what you just said?... You called your mom a horse.'
- Dessert? It's on us. [Intern: We should order the whole store.] Moral hazard. That's why we only tell you at the end.
- One of my friends had never interacted with an Indian before... The first time she saw me, she asked 'Does your whole family make prata?'... One day all of my friends put on singlet and sarong and made prata.
- I used to find oral sex disgusting... Up until JC... After that I met somebody.
- This is another thing. Every woman wants to be a whore... Small sample size - the girls I know.
- I wouldn't eat shit. [Me: Would you drink urine?] Yeah.
- [Me: Over the years I've learnt you can't trust anything women say.] Over the years I've learnt you can't trust anything men say. [Me: *Laughs* So what people say can't be trusted.]
- I have people who give me mixed signals. And you know what, only Chinese guys do that.
- Hey, do you want to have a baby? [Me: *stare*] Err, do you want to have children?... Don't you want someone to dote on? [Me: That's what a dog is for.] Don't you want someone who can talk back? [Me: That's what a significant other is for.]
- I know this boy, 16, who slept with this woman, 25. She got pregnant. They're getting married. They're Malay. I had to say that... [Me: Does the Indian Muslim community have that problem?] No. Our main problem is our girls run off with Indian boys... Hindu boys.
- [On clubbing] If you know what you can get, then you can get something... There'll always be somebody who finds you very attractive. Don't you feel that way, even though you might not feel the same way about them?
- I see you, like, you know, getting it on with some woman who plays the cello or something... in a very classical setting... [On Hob VIIb:2 - 1] She's playing this piece, but she's white. Oh, and she's older than you... I'm trying to think where I got this image. Do you watch Sex and the City?
- I think there needs to be radical reintepretation of the Koran. [Me: i.e. Make it say what you want it to say.]
- [Me: Are you going to wear your tudung in Hungary?] Yeah... It's an interesting conversation starter.
- [Me: If you do philosophy of religion, I can help.] Don't want leh. I don't want things to screw up my beliefs.
- [Me on accepting personal experience as proof of objective truth: What about those who say they've been abducted by UFOs?] I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt. [Me: What about those who've seen Elvis?] ... There's no way to get around you. I'm not talking to you anymore... I'm getting coffee. You're impossible. I give up.
- I like paintings of women, in general. [Me: Everyone loves paintings of women.]
- We were at dinner and talking about some feminist crap, and I said 'Gabriel said it takes two hands to clap'. *** said 'but it takes one to make it erect'... [Me: Actually you don't even need a hand] That's what I told him.
- This office environment doesn't allow me to work... I need a bed and couch and loud music. And some tea.
- [Me: I heard that when people go on exchange they get a lot of action.] Yep. I don't know about you. I don't know what you were doing... Each person has at least one experience. My friends are all horny. So am I.
- [Me: When she drinks she takes off her tudung.] [Girl: That's not true.] She can always go to the toilet [to drink]
- Pen pasta (penne)
- Bacardi Freeze is for Secondary School [kids]. 'Age[s] 13-16'.
- My friend is complaining to me. She never gets hit on in clubs. [Me: Ask her to grope someone]
- [Someone on the SEP application: You should use words like 'passion', 'desire'.] 'Passion', 'desire'. You think what, sex ah?
- I have a friend. When we're with ang mohs she says... 'Aiyah sian'. All the ang mohs turn to me. 'This is what she meant'... Even in class she throws out all the Hokkien terms.
- [Me: I thought you're not supposed to use your left hand to eat.] Gabe, gabe. I'm gonna miss you.
- What've you been working on? [Someone: eBuddy] [Someone else: No, now it's iloveim.com]
- Classic case. My mom visited me in the US and it was a rental car. Every morning she woke up to wash it.
- There're people with walking sticks going to Young PAP meetings.
- [On Singapore and the US] How did the essay start? 'Singapore has always been a lackey of the US'.
- [Me: The Golden Age will start when he dies.] No. That's the Renaissance.
- Guys like numbers on a woman. Women like numbers on a credit card.
- I'm glad that I'm here though. My last 2 days in KL just cemented my beliefs. All my friends in KL live in gated communities... On Friday a girl died... They chopped her hand off with a parang.
- [On a President's Scholar who was liked in primary school but hated by everyone after] A lot of people, I think, grow horns and a tail after they go into GEP.
- [On a statesman] Every time he makes a foreign visit, we have another one lined up to apologise.
- [On someone knowing his girlfriend since they were in Sec 3] So you all really have, like, bonding.

--- IPS people (mostly interns from NUS)

 

- RGS. It's very easy to screw them... They're very competitive... And curious... It's true. It's a fact of lie... [Me: Now everyone's gonna think I'm very hum sap.] Everyone knows you're very hum sap.
- [On his ex] She wanted to come to my house to take pictures of my bird.
- [On JB] You said she's worldly-wise. [Me: Yeah, so she won't want you.]
- She was wearing a green, one-piece dress... [Someone else: I didn't notice the colour. But she was wearing a coloured bra.]
- They're not just jailbait. They're rotan bait. Jail I can probably live with. Rotan I can't.
- There's something about Catholic RGS girls. Can't stand it. I just wanna- [Me: You just wanna?] It's like 'There's Something about Mary'. That pinafore and come hither look. [Me: ...]
- Lucky you're not in Law. If you become a prosecutor... 'Not guilty', you go 'Hurr hurr'... [Someone: Every session will be contempt of court in some way] (he will be charged with)
- [On school mottos] St Nick's motto - 'We Love To Talk'. Melons and Miss Taupok.
- [On stripping on Low's Peak] So you want to see my dick ah?
- [On college life in the UK] This Caucasian guy was going, 'I screw my girlfriend 4 times a day. Once after dinner, once before sleeping, once in the morning and once between lectures. Is that too much?'
- [Me: 'Knowing the Malaysian postal service you'll probably see me before you read this postcard'.] Gabriel, I feel very happy on this trip... Your loud praise for my country is repeated more times than Catholics pray in a day.
- Gabriel, you write your postcard so sweet. Can let me read or not? [Me: No.] The postman's gonna read it. [Me: The postman can't read English.] (in such a sweet manner)
- [On Malaysian Chinese girls] They have a simplicity that is not born of a desire to fleece you of your money, like a PRC girl.
- [Me: American girls gain weight after college.] How about UK girls? [Me: They gain weight before college.] [Someone: How about Singapore girls?] [Me: They never gain weight.] How about Malaysian girls? [Me: Same.]
- Italians are hideous. They like to wear big shades so you can't see their face.
- [Said multiple times] Do you know ***? I don't know ***. Don't ask me about ***. This is off the record.
- We should've gone to Bali... Charcoal-roasted pig. [Me: Pick up Ang Moh girls... Go to Laban Rata and pick up Ang Moh girls.] 15 year old Ang Moh girls. [Me: 16 lah. What's the age of consent in Malaysia?] [Someone: 12]
- Gabriel, I find it very interesting that when you are talking about your Unmitigated Disasters of whatever you are stroking the end of your stick.
- Am I very talkative? [Me: Am I fat?]
- [Me on Hum Sup Guy ordering 1kg of raw oysters for himself for dinner on top of having 4 dishes for 4 people: So much for 'I don't eat a lot'] I don't!... After this: supper... I don't mind having the coconut crab. Let me go and do another walkabout... Let's get the eel also... Small one not so nice, get a medium one.
- [To me] You eat very little. I eat about thrice as much as you, on average.
- [On Promenade Hotel Apartments] So they actually have posh living here. Of course, every 2, 3 days the power's gonna get cut and the toilet's gonna fail, but that's another story.
- [On his team making the semi-finals] I'm so proud. I don't know how to describe it. [Me: I'm in such agony. I don't know how to describe it.]
- [Me: 45 ringgit for rebonding and steaming!] Is that cheap? [Me: Yah, but then all your hair will drop out.]
- How do you think they give out National Day tickets in Malaysia? [Me: Whoever bribes them the most lah]
- [On cheap handphone batteries] Maybe the 'Nokia' is spelt 'Nooka' or something.
- [On 2 1998 arcade machines on a pickup] Haven't you seen this before? [Someone: I haven't seen it being transported before.] Maybe they're just stealing it. (them)
- musli (muesli)
- [On xiang4 shen1] It's like when a ghost possesses you.
- If you were made Prime Minister of Malaysia, what would you change? [Me: Merger with Singapore ah.] (Annexation by)
- your'lergy (eulogy)
- I haven't bought underwear in half a decade.
- Someone dared you to wear a dress and you wore it right... How about a RGS pinafore?

--- Mt Kinabalu people (mostly Hum-Sup Guy)