Online Quizzes

A few years back, we were swamped by the phenomenon known as "online quizzes", many of which were propagated by Quizilla. These wonderful CGI/Javascript entities let you discover startling new facts about oneself - such as what kind of gut-infesting worm you were, or in what sexual position you would lose (or had previously lost) your virginity in, and pair a picture of said object/person/situation/entity with a few words about how the quiz taker took after said object/person/situation/entity, and the implications this had for his (or, more likely, her) daily life and inter-personal relationships.

Though the wave passed, it enjoyed a mini-revival on Facebook, with applications that refused to let you know what flavour of shit you were until you'd spammed 20 of your friends.

(All links to the quizzes were correct at the time I took them)

Herewith are the fascinating ones I've taken:

You will marry Wo-Hen Nankan. He is filthy rich and will take good care of you. You will get to be driven around in his fast cars and sexy vans. Plus, he has a vibrating hand. Congrats!!!

Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (10 results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the Mermaid-hunter, a harpoon wielding mariner who is leery of mermaids and their charms, knowing that they are treacherous and have lead many poor sailors to their doom. You trust in your stout ship, impervious to the magicks of the merfolk, and you spend your time sailing the seas looking for the fins of your enemies. There are but a few who perform such a useful service, the rest having fallen long ago to the wiles, charms and sex appeal of the mermaids. Rate my quiz so that more mermaids-in-hiding will be revealed for you to hunt down!

What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Dead Ariel.
Which Ariel are you?
~ a quiz by Clear Black Lines ~

I kind of liked this scene, when the stupid girl got her comeuppance.

You're not a girl. You may look like a girl, sound like a girl and behave like a girl, but you're not one. Too bad. Shoo. Go do another quiz.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

She Bangs by William Hung
"Talk to me, tell me your name
You blow me off like it's all the same
You lit a fuse, and now I'm ticking away
Like a bomb... yeah baby"

In 2004 you thought you were very popular, but actually everyone was laughing at you, not with you.

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

You Have No Soul

To the untrained eye you appear a normal human.
But deep down inside, you are cold and empty.
You are one of the Undead!
You hate the living and seek them out

Break out the holy water and sharpen the stakes!
It's time to go a-huntin'

Souls you are most compatible with: None

What Kind of Soul Are You?


You are "There is a Manta Ray in my pants"
John Kerry

What Japanese Smiley Are You?


Damn. I was looking forward more to getting "I am sorry to hear that you are the King of Egypt. I appreciate the flowers", or "I just finished raping your mother, and have defecated on myself" instead.


Which Disney Princess are you?

You are Dopey. You are beardless and simple-minded. You do stupid things like drinking soapy water and are constantly being told what to do. You blush shyly at everything, nod dumbly and don't talk much. Rather, you walk around looking confused and always trail demurely behind the others - the perfect role for a woman.


Guys Like Your Breasts
You're the girl most guys can't wait to get their hands on
Even if you notice they're not looking at you when they talk to you
Just make sure they don't bump into you too often!

What Do Guys Like About You?